Parenting With Consequences not With Punishment
March 21st, 2009 by admin
Parenting in the modern age can be a particularly daunting task. We are constantly being told that smacking a child is not appropriate and that punishment in general is not effective parenting. However, punishment and consequences are not necessarily the same and is definitely a positive way of disciplining your children. A proper form of discipline teaches the child to become a responsible adult with self-discipline and consideration for other people.
Consequences, when used correctly, encourage good behaviour and help to keep the lines of communication open between parent and child. However, it is not enough to use negative consequences solely in teaching children to behave appropriately as this only teaches them what not to do rather than teaching them more appropriate behaviours. It is also necessary to use positive consequences for good behaviour as well as being open and honest with your children as to what you expect of them.
When you focus on the good behaviours and praise the children for these behaviours, the bad behaviours generally decrease and negative consequences are needed less often. Remember that consequences are only there to apply boundaries and reinforce rules when verbal reminders haven’t worked.
It is important to think carefully about the type of negative consequences used for bad behaviour as overuse or inconsistency can render them ineffective.
There are three types of consequences and these will each be explained in the following paragraphs. The three types are natural consequences, logical consequences, and loss of privileges. Each of these can be used as required, depending on the behaviours displayed by the child.
Natural consequences can teach your child lessons without your intervention. However, these can be either good or bad. An appropriate natural consequence may be where a child refuses to eat a meal. The child will then feel hungry and will learn quickly that refusing to eat is not appropriate and leads to personal discomfort.
In a bad sense however, the consequence of behaviour may lead to injury in which case it is important for the parent to intervene in order to protect the child. Also, natural consequences can actually reward bad behaviour. For instance, a bully is rewarded when the victim gives in to demands.
A logical consequence is one that is in relation to the behaviour displayed. An example of this would be where the child throws food or drink on the wall or floor in temper. When the behaviour has subsided, the child would then be expected to clean up the mess. This form of consequence gets the child to think about what they have done and the consequence of their actions. These consequences are fairer as they are relevant to the particular behaviour.
Loss of privilege may be used as a negative consequence for some behaviours such as swearing and aggressive behaviour and may range from losing the privilege of watching a television program to not being taken on an outing.
The use of time-out is appropriate when the child is being particularly difficult or where both parent and child are feeling angry and need a short break to calm down in order to address the situation more appropriately.
Although negative consequences are an important tool for parenting, it is important to be aware that encouragement for good behaviour will lead to less need for these consequences. To bring about this situation, children need to understand exactly what is expected of them. Obviously, if the child then ignores rules and subsequent reminders, then negative consequences need to be applied. However, these need to be consistent and must apply to all children in the family regardless of age and gender. Otherwise, the child will see it as favouritism toward other children and this may lead to a diminished sense of self worth.
Also, keep the consequence short in order to give the child a chance to try again. Donât take the toy away for hoursâ¦take it away for fifteen minutes or so. The consequence does not have to be long or harsh for it to work.
It is also important to implement the consequence calmly and without getting personal. Refer to the bad behaviour not to the bad child. Remaining neutral and in control lets the child learn from the situation rather than worrying about how angry the parent is with them.
All children display negative behaviours at times. How you deal with these behaviours as a parent can make all the difference in maintaining that close bond with the children. Donât confuse negative consequences with punishment and use the negative consequences in a constructive manner. Happy Parenting!!!
Annabelle Rox
http://www.articlesbase.com/communication-articles/parenting-with-consequences-not-with-punishment-136985.html
Category: temper : 
March 21st, 2009 at 7:53 am
Should there be legal consequences/punishment for teen pregnancy?
I mean punishment that the law would take on towards the teen parents, such as maybe jail time or volunteer work or SOMETHING. Its not fair that adult and married parents work their ***es off to provide for their kids while these irresponsible teen parents don't work and have kids. Seriousely some people actually have taxes to pay towards things other than inconsiderate teen parents.
March 21st, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Great question. There is just no social stigma for unwed pregnancy anymore. You have celebreties that promote it. I personally think the babies should be taken away and given up for adoption to couples you have the resources and the maturity to raise children. I am tired of people getting food stamps, free medical care, etc… all because of their own bad behavior.
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March 21st, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Wheres your facts? hm mm, maybe there are some "teens girls" that do what you say, but any that I know of are amazing mothers, great workers and providers. I know married couples that are so absorbed with there jobs,working out, getting there nails done that they hire full time Nanny's or mother helpers. Maybe we should send them to jail….
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March 21st, 2009 at 12:59 pm
The loss of their teenage years is punishment enough. They have to BECOME responsible almost overnight.
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:01 pm
i am verry agains teen pregnancy. i think that you should have to be older then 18 or both of the stupid teens should be pressed with charges. they are irresponsible and should learn just not to have sex untill they are older. i know i wouldn't its stupid that they are wasting tax payers money for some stupid fling that gets them knocked up! not cool!!!!!
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Of course not. People make mistakes. Many teens become great parents to their children and work hard to put themselves through school while also working a full time job. What is not fair to the married parents? They take care of their kids, and the teen moms take care of theirs. Anyone who is working pays taxes, you know.
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Why don't we try preventative measures, like mentorship programs and sex ed.
Stop teenage pregnancy by doing something like volunteering with big brother/big sisters.
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
What's even worse is when the irresponsible teen parents seek public assistance to help with the costs and subsequent care of the children.
It isn't cute - it's an outrage. Any teen parent who feels society OWES them support needs a swift kick in the a$s.
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I am 21, turning 22 soon, I was 20 when my son was concieved, a year late for being a teen parent. I think you are extremely selfish for saying something like. You really thinking I enjoy dropping out of one of the best Universities in texas and instead going to one of the local community colleges? You think I enjoy trying to balance 40 hours of work per weeek, spending time with my family, paying my bills and maintaining my 3.0 GPA? I dont enjoy but I do it for my son and fiance. I dont take a cent of your tax money but dont you dare say that teen parents have it easy.
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Who would you punish? Just the woman? Too much of that cr*p going around.
Better than punishing teen parents is a good sex education program to prevent teen pregnancy. But we (as a US society) are so afraid that if we talk about sex then teens will do it. Eventually folks will wake up and realize that if you want to prevent teen pregnancy - there are several things you have to do.
Sure - abstinence is the best form of birth control - works every time. But we (as adults) need to give teens the information to make wise decisions if they choose to have sex. That means good sex education. Teach them about condoms, birth control pills etc and make this stuff available.
You also have to do it early - my generation - 50% of 15 year olds were sexually active - but I'm in my 30's now. The number is probably lower. You have to start talking to kids about sex at 13 years old.
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I believe you should fine the teens parents for failing to sit down with their child and have an informative sex talk that covers everything from abstinence to protections.
Teenagers are irresponsible, they have always been irresponsible, and will always be irresponsible because they are children themselves. It is up to an adult to keep an eye on them, to look out for their best interest and to monitor their activity.
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:15 pm
legal consequences? punishment?
That's the most rediculous suggestion to "prevent" teen pregnancy.
You complain of the taxes we pay towards these teens, then want to throw them in jail? Uh, wouldn't we still be paying taxes on them?
Try reaching out and helping them become good parents. Help them and show them the importance of finishing their education and learning good skills to become a productive parent and citizen in this world.
There are enough murderers and thugs that we already pay taxes on. Punishing someone for giving life? Absurd!!
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:17 pm
You have got to be kidding me!
What you should be asking yourself is, is there any way that you could possibly have a little common sense injected into that brain of yours.
People from all walks of life and experience will become either contributing members of society or deadbeats weather they be teenage parents or not.
You are what you make of yourself not what society makes of you. And Thank God because it sounds like if it were left up to you every person that falls away from the societal norm would be thrown in jail.
Grow some tolerance!
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March 21st, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Here we go. Along with a life time of poverty, low-self esteem, high probability of depression and other mental illness, stigmatisation and marginalisation by society, abandonment by baby's father who was most likely abusive and an adult male, childhood filled with poverty, childhood filled with molestation and violence, loss of adolescence and young adulthood years, loss prospects of marrying a descent husband, being disowned by family of origin, inability to pursue higher education, loss of high school friendships, the boyfriend screaming at you to have an abortion, the parents screaming at you to (deliver the baby, give it up, have an abortion) choose you poison, being called a slut by strangers when you walk you child in a stroller around the neighbourhood, receiving no court-ordered child support, being excluding by other parents who have children the same age as your child, being asked intrusive and personal questions upon every first meeting with a person, having every single personal you meet quickly analyse your child for signs of abuse and neglect, being used as a political pawn and nationwide in an abortion vs. family values battle, ……
Lets just throw these hoochie mamas in jail!!
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