My 13 year old daughter has temper tantrums. How can I deal with this?
November 24th, 2008 by adminMy daughter has major temper tantrums when I want her to do something. She gets really mad and says I don't understand her.
Shes 13 and getting that teen attitude. Also if you check my other questions you'll see she has other problems. What do I do to deal with her slamming her door and getting so angry with me just asking her to do simple things, like cleaning her room?
for the slamminng door make her open and close the door quietly 20 times….if you hear it, it doesn't count….or simply take her bedroom door off the hinges so she doesn't have a door
when my son was little he refused to clean his room i went in and threw everything out very few things were kept and those were put in a box and put away….for a few months….he never refused to clean his room again
Category: temper : 
November 25th, 2008 at 1:12 am
You are going to have to hit her where it hurts. When she throws tantrums repeatedly, she needs to lose something. When she does things without throwing a tantrum, you need to compliment her and tell her how much you appreciate her positive attitude
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 1:48 am
Hire the Dog Whisperer. It worked with Cartman on Southpark.
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Spank her. Im serious. Not enough parents spank their kids these days, Im only 21 but trust me a good smack ought to straighten her out. Remember YOU are the parent and she needs to know that YOU are in charge.
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 2:59 am
I am so with Nick on this one. She needs a good back hand. Children these days do nothing but push the envelope while parents sit back and use calm soothing voices while lil Suzy takes it up a couple of more octaves. Let your child know who's in charge. She's too old for that garbage.
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 3:41 am
All 13 years olds do that. I'm 23, and I remember fighting all the time with my mom about everything. At that age is when you start to experience to consequences of your own actions, good or bad. If she leaves her room messy, she has to live in it. If it bothers her enough, she'll clean it. Likewise, if she forgets to do her homework, let her forget, it will only take a few times of getting in trouble from school for it and she'll do it on her own, and learn to be more independent at the same time. Don't remind her to do every small thing. She will take over the responsibility herself if you let her, and the tantrums will likely decrease. Of course, you should still keep rules like curfew, good grades and such.
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 4:09 am
Slam the door, take the door away.
On personal experience, I didn't want to do my chores on my days off. Talk to her, converse with her and make a chore schedule together.
When she does have temper tantrums, it's because she is experience an emotion that she does not handle. Be understanding, let her know that this action is not appropriate and have her make suggestions on other ways to express what she is feeling…
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 4:30 am
Her acting out is the SYMPTOM not the root cause of the problem.
Try to connect with her every day and find out what is going on in her life. If you don't stay connected with her and work on your relationship it will only get worse. The worse she is acting towards you, the more she needs your love and attention.
References :
Hold Onto Your Kids by gordon neufeld, at your local library
November 25th, 2008 at 5:02 am
for the slamminng door make her open and close the door quietly 20 times….if you hear it, it doesn't count….or simply take her bedroom door off the hinges so she doesn't have a door
when my son was little he refused to clean his room i went in and threw everything out very few things were kept and those were put in a box and put away….for a few months….he never refused to clean his room again
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 5:34 am
DEAR MISS
PLEASE READ THIS POST PRETTY PLEASE
(1ST) PUT HER ON YOUR LAP AND HALF ON THE SOFA BECAUSE SHE IS GETTING A LITTLE BIG TO SIT ON
MOMMY,S LAP BUT THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE SO SHE CAN LOOK YOU IN THE EYE TO EYE AND FACE TO
FACE AND ASK HER MY LITTLE GIRL WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM TO DAY? SEE WHAT SHE SAYS ON THE QUESTION ASKED?
(2ND) SAY ARE WE ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BABY ? SEE WHAT SHE SAYS?
(3RD) IF SHE GETS CRUDE RUDE ARE ANY THING LOOSES HER COOL SAY OK THEN IT IS TIME FOR MOMMY ACTION TO TAKE HOLD.
(4TH) USE WASHING HER MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP
SPANKING HER BOTTOM UNTIL SHE CAN NOT SIT
DOWN BUT ON A PILLOW AND I AM NOT SAYING CHILD ABUSE ETHER OK EVERY ONE ON HERE
ALSO PUT HER ON HER KNEES NOSE TO THE WALL MAKE HER STAY THERE UNTIL SHE CAN ACT RIGHT AND SAY SHE IS VERY SORRY FOR ACTING THAT
AWAY OK
ALSO TAKE AWAY EVERY THING OUT OF HER ROOM BUT THE BED HER CLOTHES AND BOOKS AND AWAY
EVERY THING ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF AND IF YOU
HAVE TO REPEAT THE FOLLOWING PLEASE DO SO UNTIL THAT LITTLE SMART MOUTH GETS THE
MESSAGE SENT TO THAT LITTLE BROKEN BRAIN AND ALSO REMIND HER YOU CAN SPANK HER FROM AGES (2-20) OK
GOOD LUCK DEAR FROM A WELL RAISED CHILD OF THE 70,S WHO LEARNED TO SAY YES MOMMY YES
MOMMA YES SIR NO SIR YES DADDY NO DADDY
PRETTY PLEASE THANK YOU AND NO THANK YOU
DEAR JUST MAYBE TREATING HER LIKE A LITTLE BABY MIGHT DO A WORLD OF GOOD WHEN HER LITTLE
FRIENDS ARE OVER SAY OK DEAR IT IS TIME FOR MOMMY TO GO AND GIVE YOU A BATH ONCE THAT
GETS AROUND SCHOOL SHE WILL BE REALLY GOOD OK BECAUSE KIDS TALK AND THEY WILL NOT LET HER
LIVE IT DOWN IF YOU PUT HER IN DIAPERS GIVE HER A BABY BOTTLE OF MILK ECT.
ONE OF MY FRIEND WHO WAS A CHERRLEADER WAS ACTING LIKE YOUR LITTLE GIRL AND HER MOMMY
DONE IT TO HER WHILE HER GIRL FRIENDS WAS OVER TO TALK AND IT GOT AROUND OUR SCHOOL IN TOO
DAYS THE GIRL WAS GOOD AS GOLD BUT IT WAS BECAUSE HER PARENTS WAS RICH AND SHE WAS A
REALLY BAD SNOB SHE WAS SET STRAIGHT AFTER HER MOMMY TREATED HER LIKE A BABY 3 DAYS WITH
DIAPERS BABY BOTTLES GIVEN HER A BABY ROCKING HER AND FEEDING HER SHE WAS GOOD THE REST OF
HER LIFE NOW SHE IS A A+ STUDENT IN COLLAGE AND MADE THE DENS LIST FOR A GRADE AVGRAGE
OF (4.0) GPA TOP OF HER CLASS IN HIGH SCHOOL SHE HAD A (1.2) GPA BUT AFTER THE LISTED ABOVE SHE
IS A TOTALLY DIFFRENT PERSON TODAY
GOOD LUCK IT WORKED FOR HER MOTHER JUST
MAYBE DEAR IT MIGHT WORK FOR YOU TO JUST A THOUGHT OK
TAKE CARE
GOOD LUCK
AND PEACE
BEST WISHES ALL
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 5:49 am
Temper tantrums are usually best ignored. Seriously, if you go about your business and pretend there isn't one going on, the allure of a temper tantrum will cease to your daughter as she'll come to realize it does her no good and she gets no response from it, either positive or negative. No teen truly wants to be ignored.
As far as the problem with the door, I agree with some of the earlier posters who suggest that you might want to consider removing her door. You can give the following explanation: "Until you learn that a door is not for slamming, you do not have the right to have one on your room." If she protests about her sudden lack of privacy, you can say "You can earn your privacy back by acting appropriately around the house." Be prepared with a list of appropriate behaviors you expect of her, and make a copy for her to keep for herself.
I'd probably also go along with the suggestions already made that you might want to consider either spanking her (she might possibly be able to be shocked into good behavior) or treating her like a baby, with diapers, bottle, pacifier and all. When she is in "baby mode", don't be afraid to call up some of her friends and invite them to come over to help "take care of the baby". She'll probably be so embarrassed she won't ever act out like this again. If she sees that you think she is acting like a baby and that would are going to treat her the way you feel she is acting, perhaps her behavior will improve.
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 6:06 am
Ask her to do whatever it is your asking calmly and with a "please", and walk away. Do not respond to her negotiations, or actions. Do not yell.
Eventually she'll learn that her tantrum will get no response, and then it won't be worth it.
It worked for me when my daughter was 11. She is 13 now and we haven't experienced that in a long time.
She still tries to negotiate, but I walk away.
References :
November 25th, 2008 at 6:25 am
I agree 100 percent with Nick…you need to take control and spank her bottom. I'm not saying abuse your child…there is a huge difference. My parents spanked me growing up and I will tell you first hand, it did me a world of good and actually made a very happy child and teenager. My parents were firm believers in spanking and whenever I acted up, or was disrespectful my dad took me over his knee and gave me a bare bottom spanking. He never hurt me in any way…only spanked me to teach me a lesson. It works…people these days are so afraid of spanking kids these days..and look at kids these days..they are horrible!!! I threw one temper tantrum when I was about 14…it was over washing the dishes and to this day I have not forgotten. My dad came up behind me, pull down my pants and spanked me with his belt in the kitchen in front of everyone. I then got my nose stuck in a corner in the den for about 10 minutes or so. Let me tell you, I never again even considered yelling at either one of my parents! My parents are very loving, never were verbally abusive and always sat us down for a long talk after a spanking and talked to us about what we did wrong, why it was wrong and what they expected out of us in the future.
References :