The Secret To A Successful Divorce
September 30th, 2008 by admin
So what is the most crucial secret you need to know to have a successful divorce?
It is the simplest secret, yet the most difficult one to master: Controlling your emotions!
I coach many women who just can’t seem to understand and follow this one piece of advice. Usually by the time they come to see me they have made quite a mess of things. I have coached women who have been divorced for years and still can’t control their emotions when it comes to their ex-husband!
Granted you are going through one of the most difficult times you will ever face in your life, and so you may feel angry, hurt, sad, and confused.
It will take immense stamina and self-control, but you must getâand keepâcontrol over your emotions. Your ability to do so will affect everything from how you fare financially to how your children adjust.
Losing control and showing emotion is how you lose this war. Do not be fooled, divorce is a war. You need to prepare for battle and master the art of winning the divorce war.
How do you control your emotions when you feel like you just want to scream?
1.Do not speak to your soon-to-be ex-husband unless absolutely necessary. When you do engage in conversation, speak only about your children or other important issues. Control the temptation to tell him that he is an idiot or you hate him! When you feel that you want to say something derogatory, get off the phone or walk away. Remember self-control!
2.Resist the urge to spy on him, ask neighbors and friends about what he is doing, or grill the kids about his girlfriend. I have known women to make prank calls to their husbands, drive by their ex’s homes repeatedly, and do other crazy things that were used against them in a courtroom. One woman was actually sued because she wrote a nasty comment about her ex’s girlfriend on the Internet. She didn’t even refer to this woman by name, but the implication was enough for the judge to give her a guilty verdict and a fine.
3. Do not talk incessantly about your ex. You do need to talk to someone to let out your anger and rage, but limit your circle of listeners to a few good friends and family members. The clerk at the supermarket doesn’t need to know just what a jerk your ex-husband is! Anger is like a fire that needs fuel to grow. The more you talk negatively about your ex, the angrier you will become and thus increase the chance of losing your temper.
Overall, think about the outcome you desire. Do you want to have the judge presiding over your divorce respect you, or do you want to look like an angry, bitter wife who is out of control?
Most people lie in family court, which is why judges rely on their own impression of a couple to see if the husband or wife appears more credible. Your behavior outside of the courtroom is crucial. Out-of-control behavior will almost always wind up back in the courtroom and cost you dearly.
So see a therapist, meditate, do whatever it takes to gain self-control. This is imperative at every stage: when you are thinking about getting a divorce, during the process, or even if you are already divorced. Your ex-husband is not going to go away, unfortunately, so you will need to find a way to deal with him in a calm and dignified manner.
Category: temper control : 
September 30th, 2008 at 1:28 am
What’s the secret of a successful marriage—I’m talkin’ about one that reaches the golden ages?
I work in a hospital…and one day they brought in an 80 year old woman who had suffered a major stroke…..she died later that night… When I went to tell her husband, he recounted to me the story of how they met etc…they had been married for over 50 years….In this day and age of quicky divorces….i found this old married couple so inspiring…..So to all you ppl out there…..What makes a marriage last that long?
September 30th, 2008 at 6:30 am
communication is the number one thing to make a relationship last. Without it, everything will fall apart.
Honesty comes with the communication. Through this, you can get through anything. Its the couples who lose touch with each other, and drift apart, who dont last. You have to put effort into it. Its not like communication comes easy. You constantly have to be working on it together.
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:32 am
I heard an old man who had been married for 75 years answer that question. He said " We never hated eachother at the same time". After 16 years with the same person….I think that he hit the nail on the head!
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:34 am
being friends and lovers as a whole,trust is a good one to take on board when marrying,acceptance of problems along the way and being able to work it out together,strong for each other,building everlasting memories to tell in moments like the one you encountered.spontaneous decisions in doing something romantic with your partner to ensure there the one.and so on
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Companionship,friendship and trustworthy.
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:38 am
honesty,friendship,trust and respect!
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:40 am
Laughter, if you can't laugh at yourself or them, you'll just end up killing each other.
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Marriage needs to be a partnership with each person pulling some of the weight. There has to be enough love to make it through the trials and tribulations that will always come. But then there will be celebrations too. Doing things together as a family and developing trust to get past wondering what the other is doing. Each having respect for the other. My Mom and Dad were together 60 years before he died. That's what I saw.
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:44 am
well in night we the two partner come from a hard days of work and they just want to relax its line for red win and cheese. I'm not kidding i hear it works but who am i to Say I'm only 17 to young
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:46 am
My little girl and I have been married for over fifty two years. I'm not sure that we have any deep dark secrets of any kind.
Some of the things that we do that might have contributed to our success in marriage might be that we say,'I love you" to each other many times per day.
We do a lot of hugging. To me, my little girl is the whole world, and I let her know it. She feels the same and makes no secrete about it.
In all those years together, I have had no desire to see any other woman. I already have the best.
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did it
September 30th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Well one this is comment. You are combining two very different lives together and that takes work. It's 24/7 job.
I think a lot of people think that once they get married, the good stuff gets better and the bad stuff just goes away. It does not! You have to work at it.
I don't know how much this helps, but that is part of my views at least. Of course, loving each other helps, but that love can change over time. I mean you will love that person, but humans go through different moods. And usually you do love that person, way deep down in your heart.
Ok, well take care and I hope this kinda answered it!
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Marriage takes work, I mean hard work! You both have to give 100% to each other. Comprimise alot, share alot, care alot. Don't think of terms of "His", "Her's", "Mine" and the like. Know that when you marry, it's all "Us". Talk with more old married couples and you will see what I mean.
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:52 am
I hate to say this but I think a lot of it is just pure, dumb luck! Choosing the right person isn't easy and many people base this huge decision on the wrong things. Back in the day, people who married had more in common with one another than we do today. That makes marriage easier. Same religion, nationality, background and of course the golden rule: treat that person the way that you would want to be treated.
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I met my husband when I was 12. He was 17. Due to our families circumstances our living situation caused use to live in the same house with both of our families. He had a girlfriend and I babysat often. He moved away and then they broke up. He moved back to the area and we started dating. I was 20 and he was 25. We got married a year later and we've been together since.
We have many more years of marriage to reach 50 years, but I think we have what it takes. My husband is the best husband in the world (I swear he is). He takes excellent care of me and the kids. He's a great father and husband.
What makes a marriage last that long? True undying love. Committment. Forgive and forget. Don't bring things up from the past. Empathy. Compassion. Understanding. Communication. I would do anything for him and he'd do anything for me.
I've known him for 26 years and my only regret is that his big brother didn't get to see him succeed in his career or our marriage. He would have been proud of his younger brother.
Our children are 15 and 16. In a few years the home will be too big for us and we'll downsize. Life is good and getting better with every day.
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18 years and loving it.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:56 am
all i can tell u is i've been married 25 years this year and my son is 23 now and just got marry 4 days after our anniversary it's been good times and lots of bad times but i've always put things aside for me to make sure the family is supply first but the most important thing is if God in not a marriage it's hard to last u have to trust him for help not man, they will let u down and he want, and another thing never give up cause why give up what u have now to train somebody new they will have faults too so learn to deal with the one u fell in love with and not someone that can make a promise and not full fill them trust your own heart not someone eles
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September 30th, 2008 at 6:58 am
What makes a marriage last?
In my opinion it takes alot more than saying i do, in the altar. Making a marriage last is a lifelong commitment to your husband or wife and to the commitment itself. The couples who have been married for 50 years + understand the true value of love and marriage. The people now days, devalue the meaning of love and it's truly sad. Having a marriage last, means working everyday with your significant other on your relationship together. There are gonna be days where you disagree its natural. But working past those disagreements to a point where you can communicate each other's feelings and not just say, lets just divorce and take the easy way out. The difference between the couple whose been married 50 years and the couples now days who get married is that the 50 years + understood the hard work and determination it takes to make a good marriage last. Now days, everything has got to be so simple and given to everyone so no one thinks they have to work in a relationship. They'd rather say forget, lets divorce rather than work out their problems. Marriage is a sad institution now days and it will only get worse. I personally am a lesbian and have been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years now…and i believe we have what it takes to make it 50 years. I love her with all my heart.
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yes..myself.
September 30th, 2008 at 7:00 am
Love each others bodies, accept that we all change and age.
And… these rules are on our wall:
RULES FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE
1) Never be angry at the same time.
At least, once everyday, try to say one kind complimentary
2) Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3) If one of you has to win an argument let it be the other one.
4) If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
5) Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6) Neglect the whole world rather than one another.
7) Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.*
thing to your partner.
9) When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it
and ask for forgiveness.
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