The Second Chance Program in Albuquerque, New Mexico, is a prison-based social rehab program. This program uses a manualized treatment approach rather than a counselor driven treatment criminal rehab program. These manuals are delivered as courses, addressing common insufficiencies found in offenders. Rick Pendery, who opened the center in New Mexico, is the national director of the Second Chance Centers and has piloted the program successfully over the past six years.

“The courses we deliver as part of this criminal and drug rehab program, specifically deal with common deficits found in those with criminal behavior difficulties and substance abuse histories, such as social behavioral skills, life skills, and the development of moral values and restoration of self-esteem.”, Pendery explains. “The address of which has been found to have a positive impact on the development of pro-social behaviors and reduced recidivism. Previous outcome studies on this treatment method have demonstrated equal success for a variety of commonly abused street drugs and alcohol.”

The Second Chance Program includes four modules, handling drug rehabilitation, learning skills, self respect and a reintegration model. One of the beginning steps of the drug rehab module is a communication course that emphasizes the application of the communication tools that are taught, especially confront drills.

A current inmate, Julio, has been in the prison system for over 10 years and had an inhalant addiction. He was referred to the Second Chance program by his social worker for the public defenders office. He is more than half-way through the program now and has hope for a new life when he completes his sentence. He explains, “After completing the communication course, I realize it has been a substantial win in a couple of areas. Obviously, 34 days ago it was very hard to envision completing all of the requirements of the communication booklet. Many days it just seemed easier to quit and go back to County. But then I realized how the very communication drills I was studying were the keys to helping me get through those frustrating urges to quit.”

The drills include confronting a person (sitting comfortably, looking eye to eye) until the student has no negative reaction to looking at another person, sometimes for many hours at a time. The Communication Course module is based on the research of L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology.

Pendery explains, “Our course in communication skills has many, many drills, including ones covering the areas of handling rebellious people and the ability to accurately determine the level of force necessary to handle a situation. As most of our students have histories of lack of self-control and of relying on force in lieu of communication, these drills address the use of communication and intention in handling life situations rather than confrontation and force. The practical course drills show them how, if in a position where force is necessary, to be able to use force dispassionately and with discipline and self-control, rather than “flying off the handle” or “losing their temper” and only as far as needed to allow communication to occur.”

Julio explains his use, “By applying the Training Routines, I experienced a first-hand example of how the techniques in the training drills help me to stay in control of the outcome of various situation and circumstances that I once allowed to run out of control. My blood test situation, my baby’s mama drama and my negative mentality have all been alleviated because of my persistence in learning, drilling, passing and completing this first book. But even more important, is my new gained ability to communicate in a higher quality, not being personally affected by someone’s communication being thrown off, and being able to regain control of the communication, handle the person or situation and bringing the communication back to a level where it is pleasant, effective and stable.”

Jayden Adams
http://www.articlesbase.com/news-and-society-articles/incarcerated-offender-is-taught-vital-communication-skills-as-part-of-rehab-120464.html

Your attitude will determine your outcome. If you don’t have a positive attitude, you will never achieve your resolutions. Keep this in mind when you start toward any goal. Having the right attitude isn’t something that just happens. It is the result of a conscious effort. As you get dressed in the morning, you would never walk into your closet and say to your clothes, “Okay, time to jump aboard” and expect to be dressed. You know that you have to put your clothes on. Having a positive attitude is a similar process; you have to consciously put one on. You have to decide that you are going to be positive in your thoughts about yourself, others and the world you live in.

Here are 7 simple but powerful strategies to help you become a more positive person.

1. Wake Up Happy. I meet so many people who start their day off with negative statements like “I don’t want to go to work today.” “I don’t want to go to school.” “I’m so tired.” “I can’t wake up until I have my morning coffee.”
Train yourself to Wake Up Happy. You can sing in the shower or listen to music that is uplifting. You could have breakfast with someone you like who is positive and optimistic. You could have a morning prayer time or read a devotional.

By training yourself to wake up happy, you are setting the pace of your day. Don’t leave your attitude to be determined by other people or situations beyond your control. Start your day with a positive note.

2. Take Control Of Your Physiology. What I mean by this is that you pay attention to how you use your body. Walk or stand up straight. Walk 15% to 25% faster. Take full, deep breaths. Use a wider range of tonality and facial expressions. Maintain good eye contact. Observe people who you believe are positive and energetic. Notice how they carry themselves. Positive people carry themselves differently than negative people do. Think of times in your life in which you were feeling your best. Reflect back on your posture, the gestures you make, and your tone of voice. Learn how to master your previous positive states and mirror the physiology of those you want to emulate.

3. Your Language Determines Your Destiny. Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive. The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive. People don’t know what you’re thinking but this doesn’t give you permission to be inconsistent. Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be. The language you use can either build you up or psych you out. Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner. Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.

Here are a few that will derail you every time: “I’m so nervous”, “I’m so depressed”, I have a bad temper”. If you are going to put labels on yourself, at least use empowering ones. Try these on and notice the difference. “I’m in excellent health and have boundless energy!” “I never get sick!” “I have unshakeable peace of mind!” “I’m a Great Wife!” “I’m a Great Husband!”

4. Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In. I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.

5. Expect The Best Of Yourself And Others. Keep your mind tuned into the things you want and off of the things you don’t want. Your brain has a mechanism that is designed to notice things that are similar to your existing thoughts. Think of the last time you purchased a car. Do you remember prior to the purchase, you hadn’t noticed that many cars like yours but the moment you drive it off the car lot you start to see them all over the place. This is how it is when you expect the best. Your brain will lead you to the expectations you desire. Make sure your thoughts are tuned into positive things.

6. Associate With Winners. A winner is someone who is positive, optimistic, lives life to the fullest, and inspires you to be your best self. Strive to limit your interactions with negative people. Negative people will drain you of your energy and sense of hope.

7. Seek Out The Power Of Role Models. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Seek out people in our community who are excelling in the areas you want to better yourself. This can be a great parent or spouse, a successful business person, a strong spiritual example, or student. The paths to success have already been paved. If you follow them, you are sure to succeed as well. An outstanding role model can save you years of trial and error.

You can alter the course of your life by altering your attitude. Nothing can stop a person with a positive mental attitude from achieving their goals. On the flipside, nothing can help a person with a negative attitude. Commit yourself to starting off your todays with a positive attitude.

Mark Webb
http://www.articlesbase.com/motivational-articles/starting-off-with-a-positive-attitude-93004.html

Defensive driving is probably the best way to ensure the safety of you, your passengers and your vehicle. Defensive driving describes the skill of being able to operate a motor vehicle in such a way that reduces the chance of being involved in an accident. The basic idea is simple - It involves being aware of, and taking various steps to avoid, all the potential hazards when you travel on the roads.

However in practice it involves much more than that. The first part relates to your ability as a driver. It involves training to improve your skills of vehicle control, observation, anticipation, temperament etc. This is the easy part as you have complete control over your side of the deal.

The second part recognises that although you may be able to control your actions at all times, there’s virtually nothing you can do to control the actions of other drivers. So a wide range of defensive techniques have been developed to enable you to cope with anything that may happen. These skills involve being alert and ready to react to the hazards that other road user create. The ultimate aim is to become proactive so that you can avoid getting into dangerous situations, instead of just reacting to dangers once they develop.

Here are the basics of defensive driving.

1) Be Prepared

This is one of the most important skills of defensive driving. If you’re constantly prepared for every situation that may develop while on the road, your chances of returning home safely will be much greater.

So before you begin any journey, make sure that your vehicle is properly prepared. Check the tyre pressure and the water, oil and gas levels. Make sure that all the lights and mirrors are working properly. And finally, don’t leave home without carrying a medical kit, basic tools such as a jack, spare bulbs and all the relevant documentation.

2) Be Seen

One of the best ways to improve your safety on the road is to make sure that other motorists see your car. If they’re aware of your vehicle and the space it occupies on the road, they’re less likely to collide with you.

This might sound rather obvious, but take a look at this amazing statistic - Most motorists only see 10% of cars that are on the roads around them. That means they see only one car in ten. Or more worryingly, they don’t see nine cars out of ten.

So to make sure other drivers see you, make full use of your lights. Of course it goes without saying that you should always use your headlights during lighting up times, but defensive driving goes beyond the bare legal minimum. For example, I’ve heard certain advanced drivers say that you should use your headlights at ALL times unless driving in full sunlight.

To see the benefit of this, next time you’re driving when it’s starting to get dark, pay close attention to the rest of the drivers on the road. I guarantee that you’ll be more likely to notice the first few drivers who have switched their headlights on.

And while we’re on the subject of being seen, when passing other cars, make sure that you spend as little time as possible in the blind spot of other drivers. If they’re not aware of your presence, they’re more likely to collide with your vehicle.

3) Create Space

The third principle of defensive driving is to create space between your vehicle and other motorists. This gives you extra leeway to avoid a collision with other road users if something unexpected happens.

For example, don’t follow too closely behind other vehicles. If they have to stop suddenly and you’re too close you’re more likely to hit their vehicle. So back off, use the three second rule. Whatever speed you’re doing, make sure that the vehicle in front of you is always three seconds ahead. As a rough guide, choose a roadside reference point and start counting when the vehicle in front passes it. If you pass the same point within three seconds, you’re too close and need to back off. During bad weather conditions such as snow and ice, this gap should be extended to five seconds to account for the longer stopping distances.

And finally, when on the road, use your common sense. For example, avoid getting too close to any vehicle that looks poorly maintained or has signs of accident damage. These are subtle clues that the owner of the vehicle is not a defensive driver and as such is more of a danger to your safety.

4) Remain Calm

Another important aspect of defensive driving is to avoid road rage, both in yourself and other motorists. Try to remain calm at all times and don’t react to the anger of other people that you encounter while on the roads. Your ability to remain calm and rational is directly linked to your ability to put the principles of defensive driving into practice and stay safe. If you lose your temper when behind the wheel, your safety will be in jeopardy.

These are just a few of the most basic aspects of driving defensively. To find out more about how to stay safe on the roads and enjoy your driving, take a look at some of the defensive driving courses, many of which are available online. They will save you money and perhaps even your life.

Charlie Moore
http://www.articlesbase.com/automotive-articles/defensive-driving-the-basics-130025.html

Do you find yourself having to resort to shouting or anger to get your point across? Do you feel that others rub you up the wrong way and as a result you lose your temper and go ‘out or control’? Do you feel that sometimes you can go just a little too far? If so then you need to consider getting some help… and fast! In this hectic age that we live in, more and more people are finding it increasingly more difficult to manage their anger. This is due to many reasons; however there are some things that are the same for everyone. Increasingly over the last few years, hypnosis has become a well accepted way to get the help that you need for anger management.

Hello my name is Richard MacKenzie and I am an emotional Freedom Technique and Neuro-linguistic Programming practitioner as well as a Hypnotherapist. For years now I have been helping clients with issues around anger management. Hypnosis is a very successful resource to help control anger, so if you find yourself needing a little help in that area then you may just have found the right solution for you. So what is Hypnosis and how can it help you to control your anger?

Well first of all - Hypnosis has been around for many hundreds of years and in the 1950’s it was accepted by the medical professions as a very viable option to help deal with a great number of issues. Nowadays hypnosis is used for things such as stopping smoking, losing weight, gaining confidence and for anger management.

When we get angry it is because an area of our brain that we refer to as the sub-conscious mind, doesn’t know how to better resolve the situation that we are in. The more we lose our tempers the more the sub-conscious mind begins to see anger as a habit and before we know it, it has all gone out of control.

Hypnosis plays the sub-conscious mind at its own game and begins to re-program it to change its beliefs, thus changing this bad habit. There are some many other benefits to using hypnosis or self hypnosis for anger management; however none as more needed as its speed and efficiency in dealing with such a negative behaviour.

So if you want to give hypnosis a go then I would suggest that you start with a hypnosis download, recording or take a visit to your local hypnotherapist.

Richard MacKenzie
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/anger-management-technique-133762.html

Life is not as easy as you might think for the extraordinarily beautiful women of the world. Especially with guys. In fact, extraordinary beauty can be an actual handicap when it comes to a woman’s love life. Extraordinarily beautiful women have two problems that more ordinary looking women don’t have:

* They get more sexual harassment than genuine interest from men, because genuinely interested men are normally too intimidated by their beauty to approach them.

* People treat them as if they are unbreakable because nobody can see past their beauty. And believe me, beautiful women can be hurt just as easily as anyone else.

Day in and day out, beautiful women deal with one or the other of the following two different reactions from men:

(1) “I want you baby. But I don’t wanna keep you because after all, since there’s so much competition for you, I’d wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you because there’s always gonna be some guy out there who’s richer than me, smarter than me, better-looking than me, etc.”

(2) “Grant me an audience, your highness, and I will worship at the altar of your royal beauty for the rest of my days. Oh, please, please, I promise to do everything you tell me and never, ever contradict you…”

Sickening, isn’t it? Yet a moderately attractive woman might get completely different reactions from the exact same guys.

Word on the street (Guy Street, that is) has it that these women are conceited. But how would you react to the world if your looks caused 50% of the population to drool over you and the other 50% to wanna claw your eyes out in jealousy? 99% of the time, a beautiful woman’s “conceit” is simply a defense mechanism, and inside they’re no different than other women.

Beautiful women need love, too. So if you take a fancy to one and want to approach her, be ready for the following three tests that you’re gonna have to pass in order to prove that you’re not just another fawning supplicant. If you pass them you’ll find out she’s not so unavailable after all…

The Dirty Dog Test: See (1) above. She will find a subtle way to encourage you sexually and find out if you start panting or not. Women love passionate man, but to most women, a man who can’t control his passions is about as attractive as a man who can’t control his bladder. So show her you have control. Control, not repression. You don’t have to pretend you haven’t noticed her beauty.

The Puppy Dog Test This is the one you’re most likely to run into - every guy who shows the slightest interest is gonna have to pass this test. And this is the one that gets beautiful women unfairly labeled as conceited. The most likely way she’ll come at you is to find a way to insult you or rebuff you despite your polite approach. There are three possible responses:

(a) Break red on her - something along the lines of “Well who needs you anyway, bimbo?”. That will identify you as being an insecure letcher. But then again if that’s what all are, she will probably have weeded you out already.

(b) Apologize profusely, get defensive, or slink away with you tail between your legs (90% of all men). That will identify you as a Puppy Dog. Cute maybe, but hardly attractive.

(c) Just walk away. It’s OK, even expected, that you will be a little bit indignant at being treated rudely - just keep your temper, that’s all. This reaction will get you identified as Someone Worth Considering. And you don’t have to be good-looking or rich - this type of man is harder for her to find than it is for you to find a woman who looks like her.

The Jealousy Test Bring other guys in front of your face and see if you get angry or look insecure. Just smile. By the way, if she approaches you out of the blue and asks for a dance, be wary - she might just be using you to pull the Jealosy Test on someone else.

Fred Jones
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/the-unique-psychology-of-extraordinarily-beautiful-women-125038.html

Though I am not a doctor, my advice comes from a combination of personal experience and therapy given to me by professionals. Leaving someone controlling and/or abusive can be (and usually is) a dangerous situation, so more than anything, my wish to you is to call your local domestic violence hotline and get help in finding a therapist that can assist you in your quest. It truly helps to have help from these places as they can help you find lodging, clothing, counseling and more, all for the asking. The help I recieved from multiple agencies to leave my ex was all free. Do not let your fear of these places scare you. You don’t have to stay in a shelter if you don’t want to. I didn’t. There are alternatives to everything. It is more scary to continue living with violence, home should be a place of refuge, not of fear. Let others help you, to get not only guidance but support.

First of all, I will briefly explain my story. I met a charming, well-heeled (or so I thought) businessman on a reputable online dating site. We hit it off, long story short, I moved in with him. As time went on, it became clear to me that he was hiding something. And, I caught him in lies about many things, big and small. After doing some snooping, it was revealed that the man had just left another woman after trying to drain her of her money. And, he had been married more times than he’d said. His whole story was a lie. I felt devastated. The more I tried to talk things over with him, the worse our relationship became. He became violent, controlling and would disappear on business trips, coming back with “signs” of another woman. He began to threaten, and became phyiscally violent. Without the free cellphone the domestic violence agency gave me, I would’ve been seriously injured or killed. I was in the process of leaving him, that is what sparked his violent rage. I was hurt, stabbed in the hand with a knife, but fought him off and locked myself in the bathroom as I called the police. They arrested him, I had a restraining order put out on him and finished moving my things the next day. Then, I was gone for good.

After this situation, I drove to a new city, far away from where he was, and got a new apartment. It took a few days, so I stayed in a hotel until the right place was found. The first place wasn’t great, but it was safe, even if I had to sleep on the floor. All my things were in storage in another state. I didn’t care, it felt good to know that I was free of the horrible person who tried to control, intimidate and hurt me. With me were my two cats, who were traumatized but ok. They adjusted to hotel living and to the new place faster than I thought they would. In time, I found a gorgeous place, brought my furniture down from the storage place, and bought new furniture. Now, I live on a lake, happily free of any pain.

So, what to do first? Start as much in advance of your move as possible. Quietly, remove things that are of value to you. Frequently, abusers will destroy things of value to their victims, it’s part of their control issues. Pack a suitcase with the basics and store that, too. You will need it if leaving in a hurry happens. Also, take important papers, photos and documents. Put them in a storage unit or apartment that is NOT close to your current residence. That way, when you’re gone, you won’t need to drive near the abuser’s place. Only take things that aren’t easily noticed, if confronted, never tell the abuser what you are doing. Your safety depends heavily on it. It’s about self-preservation, you are an adult and don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. Just calmly blow off any attempts to figure out what you are doing and be as discreet in removing items as possible.

Calmly and without anger, co-exist with your partner while secretly getting help elsewhere. Keep an even temper, so not to add tension to an already tense relationship. Keeping the peace is needed, as best as you can. Read up on the “Cycle of Violence”. It explains the build-up of tension before a fight, the fight, then the “honeymoon” period afterwards. It is a handout that every domestic violence agency has and gives out to anyone living with an abusive partner. And it is helpful in understanding the dynamics of abusers, and how to respond to them. If you can, go to a support group. This way, you can discuss your weekly goings on with others who are also going through difficult situations. A good group, in my opinion, is one that listens to stories, but also gives ideas on coping with each situation. Listening to others’ stories helped me gain the strength to leave.

Living with someone abusive can drain you of all energy, consume your mind with hopes of a better life later (no, you can’t fix the person, trust me) , and make you feel absolutely worthless. Remember, it’s the situation you are in, and not a definition of who you really are. You are a good person, in a bad relationship. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Friends of mine got mad at me for not leaving sooner, they didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just up and go to a shelter. I had pets (shelters don’t accept them) and refused to leave them with the abuser. I planned it all so I’d leave, and not leave anything of mine behind, especially my pets. Protect your pets by leaving them with others for safe keeping, if possible. Abusers will sometimes kill pets, because they know they are important to the victim. People may be upset with you for not leaving when they think you “should”, but only you know when the time is right. Sometimes it takes a few dry runs before the actual time you leave, but when you are truly fed up enough, you will know when and be done with the person. Remember, the MOST DANGEROUS time in the relationship is when you leave the abuser, this is when murders usually happen. They are losing control of you and will react in whatever way they can to take control. Take this seriously if you’re going to leave. Don’t let others dictate when you are ready, trust your own judgment.

Abusive people tend to like control, and isolating their victims. It’s subtle sometimes, but in time, the person being controlled is slowly isolated from friends and family. Each case is different. Be aware of this, and for this reason, it is important to have a confidante you can turn to, who will be there for you. It can be a friend, co-worker, or therapist. Just someone to talk to, to touch bases with, who is trustworthy and who won’t tell the abuser what you are doing. Talking to others helps you not to isolate and keep all the stress inside. In my case, I used friends in another state, and a therapist from the domestic violence center. Fight isolation. Give yourself the ability to be around others, and interact with them. This gives you a voice, builds your confidence and lets others know if you need help or not.

When you are ready to leave, enlist the help of human agencies or services if need be to help you move. A local church helped me for free with lightweight items so I could use my own money to pay a mover for the heavier items. I moved fast, not knowing how long the authorities would keep my ex in jail. Call around, find out who is willing to help. Shop around for good moving rates. One guy tried to jack up the price on moving, I told him to get lost. Don’t let moving scammers take advantage of your situation, by standing firm and not taking any extra-payment-needed garbage from anyone. Don’t be shy, this is a good time to build your self-esteem by standing up for yourself. Don’t tell the abuser about any of this. Plan the move when you know your partner won’t be around for a long period of time, at least a few hours. This is a new life and they have no part of it, so they need not be a part of it AT ALL.

Pre-plan how to leave with kids involved, by talking the situation over with an attorney. If you cannot afford one, call around, looking for an attorney who will do “pro-bono” work (free legal advice). They are out there, and you can find them if you look. Or, go to a Legal Aid society in your area and ask them what to do. They are in major cities, and are there to help those who cannot afford legal representation.

Move out of the person’s life abruptly, and don’t look back. If you must go to court against a spouse for any reason, take someone with you or ask the court staff to accompany you to your car if you are afraid of the person. Be proactive, defend against being a victim. I carried pepper spray in the form of a pen that I bought on an online auction. And had another in my home, too. It pays to be as prepared as possible against attacks. Some people take self-defense courses. Violence can happen in the blink of an eye, so it pays to be alert if the abuser is threatening. Do not underestimate threats. Many people are killed by thinking their spouse would never be capable of murder. Sometimes, violent threats with weapons go wrong and accidents happen. Never underestimate threats or aggression. Ever.

By being alert and pre-planning a new life, you are on your way to a more fulfilling life, if you make it so. It won’t feel good in the beginning, but it will get better, believe me. Time is your friend in this. Remember, you have worth, nobody defines you, you define yourself. In the end, it’s about taking care of yourself and removing the victim. Be a victor. It may mean sleeping on the floor of an apartment without furniture for awhile, or on a friend’s couch, but that is OK. Do whatever is best for you in the situation. Don’t look back, and have NO contact with the abuser. If you do, the person will try and make amends, to try and win you back, most likely. Believe none of it. Staying means an increase of aggression. That is part of the Cycle of Violence. You can do much better. One day at a time.

Carolyn McFann
http://www.articlesbase.com/women’s-issues-articles/suggestions-for-leaving-an-abusive-partner-by-one-whos-been-there-126050.html

Though I’m not a therapist, my experience in the subject of controlling, critical and aggressive people comes from thirty years of counseling, due to needing to deal with this issue from very early in life. I used to blame myself for others’ bad behavior, until I learned the truth of the matter. It was a freeing experience. Here is a summary of years of advice from professionals, who helped me to deal with the effects of abuse suffered in childhood at the hands of an angry and controlling family member. I harbor no ill will against that person, and now am quite sensitive at reading and reacting to difficult people as a result. It is possible to have peace, here are a few ways I use to achieve calm during a “storm”.

When people you know are really hard on you for no good reason, judging everything you say or do, please realize that it is not your fault that they behave this way. It is their problem, their upbringing and insecurities showing. They may have been mistreated as children, and as a result may harbor deep needs to control things. It’s their way of trying to make things “right” in their minds, after past problems they were unable to control. Sad, but true.

So, what do you do to deal with someone who targets you for harsh judgment, anger, or control? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells when around a difficult person? It is a lousy feeling to feel trapped in the radar of someone who is hard to relate to. You say one thing, they say another. Or, you do it your way, and they tell you it’s all wrong and needs to be done their way. It can be a blow to your self-esteem to tolerate poor treatment like this on a long-term basis. If you are constantly being told everything you do is wrong, or blamed for things unjustly, how can you feel good about yourself? The best thing to do is to consider the source and don’t take anything said to you personally. Don’t let the troubled person define you, remember, you define yourself. Quietly know that you are the one in control. Don’t argue. The other person wants to affect you, but can’t unless you let him. Leave your emotions out of it, just look at the situation for what it is: you are emotionally stronger than the other person. You don’t force your will on others, or try to make them do things. You know better.

First of all, don’t dignify tirades of rudeness or temper tantrums with anger back. Let the offending person own their problems by not letting them engage you in a battle. You don’t have to play their game. If you react negatively, they’ve “won” and will feel even more powerful over you. To keep your power, the best thing to do is put up boundaries, or rules to what you will or won’t tolerate. This must be done calmly, and without emotion. To be effective, you must maintain this demeanor, no matter how hard the controller tries to evoke a reaction from you. If they try to make you do something you don’t want to do, tell them so and then walk away. Be a broken record, by continuing to repeat yourself calmly if they keep bugging you, if necessary. You owe nobody an explanation so whatever you do, don’t explain your reasoning. Just remove yourself from the situation, quietly. Your silence and calmness get the point across. If they follow you and want to continue the discussion, tell them you will talk to them later, and that you are to be left alone until then, then say nothing else. Just separate yourself from the situation and wait until they are more rational and calm if the discussion needs to be continued. Keep emotion out of the conversation by maintaining composure. Remember, you have a voice, and your opinion matters. When dealing with someone who is being aggressive and controlling, you are maintaining control of the situation by not fighting with the person.

Your coolness may unnerve and anger your aggressor. They want a reaction from you. Some aggressors will up the ante by threatening, insulting or getting physical. Don’t tolerate violence, if you feel like your life is being threatened then leave for awhile. It pays to think ahead during high-tension situations, for safety’s sake. Maintain peace by keeping your boundaries and not fighting. Eventually, the aggressor will tire of pushing the issue and back down or go find someone else to hassle.

It is possible to co-exist with controlling people but from a distance if at all possible. Have your own opinions, live the life you want to live without apology. If you are picked on, keep cool and maintain your own individuality. It takes a lot of personal energy to defend oneself, so don’t. Keep that energy for yourself. Remember, it is your life, nobody else’s. Be at peace with yourself and others. I still have relationships with those who try to control me, but I limit my exposure to them. They have been “trained” by my lack of willingness to fight or argue, yet they still try on occaision to rile me up. It doesn’t matter to me because I choose not to engage in the conflict. I believe in myself and won’t surrender my personal power to anyone. Be positive and believe in yourself. Your opinions and thoughts are important and they do count, so don’t let the critics get you down.

Carolyn McFann
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/successfully-dealing-with-controlling-aggressive-and-difficult-people-in-your-life-126027.html

Anger management is a learned skill, so it is more common in youngsters and teens, who have not learned good coping skills to deal with their anger. Should you feel you are at risk of losing your temper in a way that could harm you, or others, you should always seek professional help. Ask your parents, pastor, physician, school counselor, or a trusted, responsible friend for help.

Whether it is road rage, a provoked emotional outpouring of anger, or losing your temper over something silly, every one of us have lost our tempers at one time or another. Anger management only becomes an issue when we are no longer able to control our anger, and have destructive outbursts. A destructive outburst does not necessarily mean that you have broken something, or physically hurt someone, as a manifestation of your anger, it just means that, because of your inability to control your angry responses to a real or perceived stimulus, you have done something harmful to someone, something, or even to yourself.

When your anger controls you, you may feel you are at the mercy of something that you can not control. Anger can cause you to do things you normally would never do, and even things you could regret for the rest of your life. Anger can even affect your physical well-being in more ways than one. Studies have shown that anger causes your heart rate and blood pressure to rise. Hormones, like adrenaline and noradrenaline, also rise when you are angry. Anger can push you backwards emotionally, into the cave men era, when the fight or flight response was the only way to stay alive in an uncivilized world, so not only does uncontrolled anger effect your life in the areas of your personal relationships with others, it effects you physically as well.

In order to develop good anger management techniques, you must first understand what provokes anger, and the bodys natural response to anger. Anger is precipitated by the bodys natural chemical responses to increased physical arousal, emotions, and accompanying behaviors, that result when a person feels threatened, or perceives a threat or loss. The threat does not necessarily have to be a threat of personal, physical harm. It can be a threat to their self-esteem, when they believe their feelings are challenged or discounted by another.

The body naturally responds to any perceived threat by producing adrenalin to prepare for “fight or flight.” How a particular person responds to these threats is due, in large, to how they have been conditioned as a child or learned later in life, whether with good anger management techniques or negative ones. Many abuse victims are conditioned to respond violently, and learn verbal, mental, or physically abusive behaviors from others, and never develop positive anger management techniques.

Every person alive has triggers that set off their anger. Here are the most common reasons people become angry:

- A threat to their values (disagreeing with something someone is doing, such as kicking a dog, or not following the rules)
- When someone insists they do something they don’t want to do
- When someone hurts or betrays them, and they feel a loss of trust
- When they attempt to escape guilty feelings over something they do not want to feel or admit to themselves
- When they believe their feelings are discounted, and their sense of self esteem is compromised
- When expectations are not met (realistic, or unrealistic expectations) and they don’t get their way

School shootings, physical violence among families, friends, associates, and loved ones, are proof and manifestations of the fact that poor anger management is on the rise. Whether you blame the increase in anger related crimes, such as assault, murder, rape, physical and emotional abuse, on a lack of parental supervision, violence in video games or television, or other causes, the manifestations of poor anger management are becoming more and more commonplace, and increasing numbers of people are seeking professional help to gain control of the destructive effects of poor anger management.

Both internal and external events can cause anger. Anger can be directed at a specific person (a friend, teacher, or parent) an event (academic challenges, loss of a loved one) or by frustration or worry over personal problems. There are many common causes for anger in school. Young people are easily frustrated and become angry when faced with difficult challenges. It is hard not to get angry when you feel you do not fit in, do not understand an assignment or project, when you fail a test, or fail to reach a goal. Frustration can lead to anger. Many students get angry at their parents or teachers, because they don’t feel the rules are fair. Sometimes anger occurs, without even knowing exactly why you are angry. There are times it cannot be controlled and this is when we should seek help.

The worst thing you can do is deny your anger. While you want to learn to manage your anger, so that your anger does not cause you to do harmful things to yourself or others, when you hold your feelings inside, they can lead to an explosion, and the only way to prevent that, is to learn good anger management techniques.

Mature people try to practice positive ways to deal with their anger in an argument. One positive way to deal with anger against loved ones is to make a contract that they can leave during a fight, whenever they feel that they might lose control. Just go to a private place for time out. In private they do damage control techniques like waiting out the initial rush of the anger, and trying to think from the other persons viewpoint, to bring their anger level down and then return to deal with the problem.

Accepting that you have an anger prone personality and recognizing the need to actively work toward anger management in order to live a happier life, makes the difference in managing anger successfully. A commitment to study and take parenting classes to seek more effective ways of disciplining their children, taking anger management classes, and participating in couples counseling, helps to learn better ways of being with the people they work and live with.

Some people with high degrees of frustration keep tabs on themselves and work at diffusing their anger responses. They will use positive anger management methods; because their conscience tells them that their outbursts hurt others. Some people recognize that they are acting out angry responses they learned from their own parents, and sending that legacy down to their own children. Some get help because their partner gives them the ultimatum of threatening to leave them if they do not get help. A few get help only after they lose their spouse and families, but sadly, some never learn anger management methods that could save their families, if not their own lives.

Dennis Cole
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/learn-about-anger-management-for-better-wellness-96474.html

he was getting a little heated when he was giving his speech. i thought he might go off and deck someone. is he losing control of himself already?

Nope, the Passion is back, and he has learned–in two short weeks–that to try and placate the republicans time and time again will get him nothing but knives in the back, and he has decided instead to placate the voters who voted him into office, and give them the change that they want, and voted for.
Bravo, bravo, bravo.

I think hes too old to control anything right now! can ya feel me