You don’t have to have a professional negotiate your debts for you. Simply gather all of the documents that you have relating to the debt you are negotiating.

You have to know where you stand financially before you can negotiate any of your debts. Sit down and create both a budget and a debt repayment plan. You need to know the following things before you talk to the debt collector or credit card company:

How much you can pay to settle the debt.

Whether you are able to pay it all at once or will you need to make payments.

At what point you will not negotiate with the debt collector any further.

Know your rights and the statute of limitations on debt for your state.

Remember, that you have something they want — your money. You are in power here. In most cases, they don’t want to sue you or take the risk that you will file for bankruptcy or demand a cease and desist from them. In most cases, negotiations will work. Stay in control and in power. Don’t lose your cool. Stay calm and stand firm in your decisions.

You have rights that make it impossible for the debt to be collected without going through court. That gives you the upper hand. Don’t be afraid to use it.

When talking with the debt collector:

Don’t offer the full amount you are willing to pay right off the bat. That gives you no room to negotiate, if necessary.

Don’t take no for an answer. You can always ask to speak with a supervisor.

Don’t lose your temper. Call back tomorrow and ask to talk with a manager or supervisor right from the start.

Be firm and don’t offer too much information. What you say can be used against you.

Time is on your side. Don’t be too eager to settle the debt. You are in control. Check and see how close you are to the limitations period.

Keep good notes and follow up your communications with a summary in writing of all conversations. Send them via Certified Mail, Return Receipt Requested so that you have a paper trail. This could be necessary if the case goes to court.

Make sure that you cover how the payment is to be made, when it will be made, where it should be sent. Make sure that both parties agree that the payment does not constitute admission of liability for the debt and that the agreed settlement is in full satisfaction of the debt.

You can ask that the debt be reported to your credit report as deleted. This will ensure that the debt isn’t re-aged to the debt payment date. This would result on the debt being on your report for another seven years. If it won’t be reported as deleted, ask that it be marked as “paid,” not “paid-charge-off” or “paid collection.”

Martin Lukac
http://www.articlesbase.com/debt-consolidation-articles/successfully-negotiate-your-debts-90546.html

With a franchise business, the chances of success are much higher. According to the US Department of Commerce, after completing a 7 year study, over 90% of franchises are still trading profitably.

So why am I saying that a franchise business might not be right for you?

A franchise is not right for you if:
1) You are the type of person who does not like following guidelines
2) You believe that you know better then everybody else
3) You can’t accept other people’s advice
4) You want to change the look and feel of the product
5) You want to do things your way
6) You expect others to take responsibility
7) You don’t believe in hard work
You are aggressive and can’t control your temper
9) You are not ready for commitment
10) You can’t work with people

The limitations to a franchise opportunity are that you will not be able to deviate from procedures. You will have to buy from predetermined suppliers and use the computer systems and software that has been chosen by the franchiser. You will also be limited to where you can operate the business as the franchiser will not allow you to endanger his reputation, in a location, where he believes that there is little chance of success.

When people choose to go it alone, 80% of business start ups fail within 5 years. This is because they are entering a market where their business knowledge is usually poor, although their product knowledge might be good. All their experience comes from trial and error, and the banks are quick to pull the plug if cash flow projections are not met.

Now a franchisor has been through a period of trial and error. They have found a system that works and suppliers who deliver. Why would they allow you to change this proven system?

Although the chances of success in a franchise opportunity are much greater then if you choose to start your own business, only you can decide if you can live within the confines that have already been determined by others….

Irrespective of which road you choose to go down, always take professional advice.

Naz Daud
http://www.articlesbase.com/business-articles/a-franchise-business-is-not-the-right-opportunity-for-everybody-97366.html

I hate how I easily get angry and ticked off, I hate how it makes people hate me! I hate how I easily make enemies because of this problem, but most of all I hate how I cannot be close to my mother because we both have this problem. Before I fix my mother's problem I have to fix mine, I don't have drinking problems, I do not do drugs, I'm only 17 years old. I get really mad to the point it really gives me a very painful headache that makes me cry… I really need help…
You may or may not have a medical problem at the root of your feelings and outward behavior. You can make adjustments to your feelings and the way you react to others. You may think that someones opinion is wrong, you may think your opinions are right. Get used to the fact that most people have opinions and want to think they are right. The next time you feel angry at someone or at some occurrence, remember what they say and just acknowledge them by saying something like "I see" or "that's interesting" and let it pass. If they persist with the issue that's stirring you up, you can go for a walk and separate yourself from a potential outburst or conflict. As you walk or have time to reflect on what was said to anger you, think about if the subject has any real weight in your life and is it in your control? Chances are it hasn't and you don't. We have little control over what others say and do. Pick your battles carefully- walk away from most fights and save your emotional energy for better things and issues which are really important in the big picture. You are in charge of you emotions and feelings- nobody can "make you feel" anything, you either let yourself feel it, ignore it or change the way you react to things that happen and are said. My mother was a very negative person, and would search for arguments with everyone. I learned eventually to let her think she was always right in her opinions- if she got the facts wrong and I could find real evidence to the contrary then I might correct her, but I learned to let go. There is a Zen principle to help you stay calm and can diminish stress and conflict in your life-
That is "To Win by Losing" (lose the battles that really aren't important)
Be patient with the idiots and egotistical jerks in your life, or create some distance if you can. 2 of the greatest tools to ward off jerks are #1. to ignore them & #2. Just smile and say nothing! good luck, I hope this was helpful!

Having problems controlling your anger can seriously change your life and the lives of those around you. If you don’t want to be responsible for this massively negative change then this article was written just for you. Uncontrollable anger callously rips through families and communities throughout the world on a daily basis - don’t let it rip through your family next. If you need help - then get it and get it today! If you suffer from what seems to be uncontrollable anger or rage, it might be the right time to make the decision and take control and put it behind you today.

I have meet people who left their anger unchecked and let it get as far as physical violence that ended up in them losing everything. They lost their lover, their friends, their house and their freedom as the courts don’t look very favourably on this type of behaviour. Now that I have your attention, let me explain how you can get out of the trap of uncontrollable anger. However first of all I want you to make the commitment to use the information that I am about to share with you to get results and get your anger under control for the sake of your family, love ones and for yourself.

I have tremendous success in helping people to manage their anger with the use of two techniques that may intrigue you. I have my clients use hypnosis and self hypnosis. These techniques have come on a long way over the past few years are now both extremely viable approaches to get successful results for many issues that individuals may have - this includes anger issues! So why does hypnosis work and what do you need to do next?

Hypnosis works simply by reprogramming the part of the brain that we call the subconscious mind. It is this part of your mind that processes all of the information that leads you to feel that your buttons are being pressed and that ultimately leads to episodes of anger and rage. Hypnosis gives your other ways to deal with situations in which you would normally lose your temper. In fact it helps you to get the best possible results in these situations by helping you to communicate effectively and get your point across in a way that will be accepted and understood by the person that you are talking to.

If you are serious about controlling your anger and you are wise and astute enough to take my advice then I would recommend that you go now and get a hypnosis download or recording so that you can prove just how serious you are by starting today. You have nothing to prove to me, however everything to prove to yourself and everyone that loves and cares for you.

It’s your decision - will you still suffer from uncontrollable anger in the future or will you make the conscious choice to change today?

Richard MacKenzie
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/anger-management-keep-it-or-lose-it-you-decide-137679.html

Low carb diet by Dr. Atkins continues as possibly one of the most accepted low carb diets on the market today. Low carbohydrate, high protein Atkins diet attractiveness has helped spring numerous similar diets who operate on the same values of high-protein, low-carbohydrate eating diet. Nowadays people who want to lose weight have a lot of high protein diets to choose from.

Tests have verified that high-protein, low-carbohydrate intake has numerous good effects as well as create considerable fat burning with no need to limit calories. Lots of people who make use of the low carb, high protein diet invented by Dr. Atkins have for a long time been reporting this effect. There are studies that show that low carbohydrate eating improves triclycerides, lowers blood sugar for diabetics and people with beginning diabetes and boosts good cholesterol (HDL). Low carb, high protein diet plan has been continuously confirmed to enhance insulin sensitivity, decrease blood pressure and cut blood insulin levels. If we judge it against diets low in fat, high protein, low carb dieters also lose a reduced amount of muscle mass.

Although not medically proven, there are numerous various positive effects testified by people on low-carb, high-protein diet by Dr.Atkins. Some of these include energy increase, reduced longing for candys, enhanced attentiveness, improved temper and decrease of depression kind of signs.

Nonetheless there are also several advantages that are exclusive to the high-protein, low-carbohydrate Dr. Atkins diet. If you are one of countless people who have been trying to lose weight with low fat diets in previous years you will get pleasure from eating all of those forbidden foods that once you could not touch. Butter, steak and cream are a regular element of low carb diet devised by Dr. Atkins. Many people enjoy eating foods once off limits to them. People on high protein diet devised by Dr. Atkins are permitted to consume their full of rich meats, cheeses and fats and oils.

Diet invented by Dr. Atkins is also undemanding to make use of if compared with majority of other protein high diets that are on the market today. There are a few of simple carbohydrate calculations that you are going to need to learn, but when you do that, you are going to be free to have a meal of any food you want from the acceptable food listing.

Dr. Atkins furthermore emphasized the need of finding your own individual carb level. Various individuals have unique degree of carbohydrate tolerance. While some of us put on weight on just 90 grams of carbs per day, other people can eat as many as 120 grams of carbs daily. During your ongoing dieting phase and pre-maintenance stage of the low carbohydrate, high protein diet by Dr.Atkins, you will ascertain your individual carb count that is going to help you establish your carb goal from now on.

The status of high-protein, low-carb diet devised by Dr. Atkins can even be a double-edged sword for the anyone trying to lose weight with it. Given that there is plenty of tips accessible about the low carbohydrate Dr. Atkins diet, which makes it simple to get resources and support, but can at the same time confuse you. There have been scores of Atkins books written and furthermore there are infinite amounts of websites that provide you with group support, information and tips. However nearly everyone has heard of diet by Dr. Atkins and almost has his or her own outlook about it. You need to be aware that there are scores of misconstructions around the world regarding the features of the Atkins diet, and you are going to, without a doubt, have to stand up for your newly discovered eating technique from time to time.

There are also some of the other downsides for using the high-protein, low-carb Atkins diet. You should count carbs in every piece of food you eat to be assured that you are keeping within your individual carbohydrate boundary. Additionally, there is the matter of Induction, the most intensely contested phase of the plan. Induction can be tough to come through if you have been on a diet that centers on carbs and sugar. Moreover, loads of individuals have a go at Induction and mistakenly judge that this is the method that the whole diet will be. They quit without even starting the genuine diet by Dr.Atkins.

Every now and then even if it does not occur very often, some individuals are going to live through a carbohydrate crash frequently during the 3rd and up to 5th day of the Dr. Atkins diet. Such sort of reaction is a result of their body experiencing the ketosis phase or using fat as fuel instead of carbs. The sensation is short-lived but lots of people trying to lose weight have sworn off high-protein, low-carbohydrate diets entirely because of this small accident.

Overall, with the few trivial shortcomings considered, high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet invented by Dr. Atkins continues to be one of the most used high protein diets because of one simple reason. It works. A lot of people have succeeded with the high protein, low carbohydrate diet by Dr.Atkins and the high-protein, low-carbohydrate approach to dieting.

Luka Zimmerman
http://www.articlesbase.com/health-articles/prevent-diabetes-with-high-protein-low-carb-diet-132138.html

Conservatory Sales And Advice - Advice On Buying A Conservatory - Advice On Planning And Buying

UK based Conservatory advice provides advice about buying a conservatory,conservatory blinds, conservatory maintenance, conservatory cleaning and heating of conservatories and also have access to a wide range of suppliers of PVC, wooden and aluminum conservatories.

There are many considerations to buying a conservatory, issues such as Understanding building regulations

1. Building regulations
2. Planning requirements

Conservatry longevity

- Building durability

- Guarantees explained

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- Standard vs bespoke

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- Space requirements

Conservatory Specification

- Aluminium / Wood / uPVC

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We at conservatory advice can help with many of these issues. We have access to a wide range of suppliers of PVC, wooden and aluminum conservatories. The benefits of dealing with a n advice agent such as conservatory advice is that you can feel safe in knowing that the people you are talking to are experts in the conservatory field.

We also can help with �conservatory ceiling and wall blinds to reduce glare, temper extreme temperatures, add privacy and furnish your conservatory.� We specialize in the �Great range of top quality bespoke conservatory blinds. These come as manual or remote control operated. In our opinion they are the best blinds at the best prices with a very wide range of designs

and blinds that is supported by and expert design and build service, 5 year guarantee and blind servicing and many up to 51% off! �Because we offer one of the widest selection of conservatory blinds with real expert no-nonsense advice and a genuine lowest price guarantee our customers appreciate it. Our large range of conservatory window and roof blinds will ensure that you will relax in comfort and style, whatever the weather. We offer personal, friendly service throughout the UK with the emphasis on providing a solution that is right for you and your conservatory.

A well maintained conservatory will give you years of trouble free service. It’s often one of the largest household investments and the focal point of your home. We recommend Conservatory Makeover’s products and services. They are specialists in looking after conservatories and can clean and revive old dirty grey conservatories to look almost new again. Keeping a conservatory roof clean requires specialist equipment. With Conservatory Makeover’s moss and lichen cleaning service they can reach up to 60ft with their specialist equipment and in most cases they do not need to use scaffolding.All types of repairs and maintenance are carried out including replacement of roofs, sealed units, fault hinges, door and window locks and the inevitable leaking conservatory roof. Conservatory Makeover operates in South East England and under a franchise system in other parts of the UK and probably has a fully trained licensee very near you.

In addition to conservatory cleaning we off under floor heating of conservatories. Conservatory Makeover offer advice on, supply and installation of under floor heating for your conservatory.

Sameer Shinde
http://www.articlesbase.com/home-improvement-articles/conservatory-adviceconservatory-blinds-and-maintenance-service-123128.html

The number of European and in particular UK people moving to the tax haven of Monaco has increased dramatically in recent years, with some estate agents in the Principality claiming that four in ten of their buyers are now from the UK, compared to just one in ten a few years ago.

And if recent surveys are an accuate indication of the future, then Monaco estate agents might be seeing an even higher percentage of Brits buying with them in the near future.

A survey by the Centre For Economics and Business Research suggests that the number of British millionaires will rise dramatically from 376,000 to 1,700,000 - an increase of over four hundred per cent.

Commenting on the findings a local travel guide says that the number of British people in Monaco has increased noticeably, but that property price inflation will temper any increase in new residents.

‘While we do expect to see an even higher proportion of British residents in Monaco, the fact that there is going to be four times the number of millionaires doesn’t mean to say there will be four times the number of people looking to buy in Monaco.

At the moment the cheapest one bedroom apartments are around 850,000 Euros. After taking closing costs into account it’s close to a million Euros. Given the demand for property in Monaco in five years that figure could rise to between 1,500,000 and 2,000,000 Euros for a one bedroom apartment’.

Residency In Monaco

A real estate company specialising in Monaco property agree.

‘Given the cost of property in Monaco, simply being a millionaire won’t cut it for Monaco for much longer. Today’s millionaire won’t see much change out of his or her million at the moment, and how many will want to live in a one bedroom apartment. To have a half decent two or three bedroom apartment in Monaco you need to be a multi-millionaire rather than just a millionaire’.

Monaco has long been known as Europe’s number one tax haven, and for the Monaco Grand Prix, held each May around the streets of Monte Carlo.

Property prices in Monaco are already high due to the lack of land - in the past one of the districts, Fontvieille, had much of its area reclaimed from the sea, but property prices there equal those of the better known Monte Carlo.

One of the best known buildings in Fontvieille, Seaside Plaza, has average prices of three to four million Euros for a three bedroom apartment, and a four bedroom four bathroom one is currently on the market at close to ten million Euros.

In recent years the British economy has consistently been one of the strongest in Europe, and with a top rate of income tax cut a decade ago to forty per cent the wealthy have become wealthier - and want to stay that way.

‘Despite the top rate of tax coming down to forty per cent’, comment the travel guide, ‘By the time other direct taxes such as National Insurance are taken into account around half of top earners salaries are - as many of the Monaco property buyers from Britain see it - being lost to the Inland Revenue. By moving to Monaco they effectively double their disposable income.

When you go to hotels in Monaco and see a couple with estate agent details on the table and a map of Monte Carlo with various places highlighted, there’s an almost even chance that they will be British. A lot more than just a couple of years ago. They like Monaco, the security, the tax advantages and the closeness to London’.

Roger Munns
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/monte-carlo-real-estate-set-for-2007-boost-97533.html

It is Friday. You woke up, went to the kitchen, and poured some orange juice into a glass. Your week has been very productive so far, and today’s weather is particularly conducive to a good mood. To enhance that positivity, tomorrow the weekend will begin and you have some interesting travelling plans. You walk towards the door and grab the latest edition of the newspaper from your footpath. Ten seconds later, your facial expression has changed, your muscles have become tense, and your head feels a bit radiated. You have read that an innocent young man was murdered last night without any particular motive. You feel angry.

What is Anger?

Anger is a common part of our lives. Everyday we experience varied sorts of frustrations which derive both from ourselves and from external sources. In the previously cited scenario, feelings of anger would have been developed for many reasons, but they are all common to the fact that it was a situation that opposed your core convictions. Although you did not burst into tears or destroy the glass of orange juice sitting on the table – the emotion was there. You may ask yourself: “But I don’t know this person, so why do I care?”

The answer to this question is not as clear as the emotion you felt, and nor is it simple – but there are some leads. Let’s take a journey into the complex psychological mechanisms that produce this controversial (and mostly misunderstood) emotion.

The Physiological Framework

Fear, stress and anger are closely related processes. In previously published articles, we’ve discussed several mechanisms that create stress, and their natural purpose. In a nutshell, the Hypothalamus (region of the brain responsible for controlling the Autonomic Nervous System) identifies a stressor (which could be any event – such as a noise) and automatically prepares the body to react to that stressor. This is done through sending signals to both the ANS and the limbic system – which in turn, activate a ‘response mechanism’ by stimulating body organs to change their regular activity. The outcomes are increased blood pressure, sugar levels, heart rate and redirection of the blood to selected organs. This is the process which creates stress, or the ‘stressed physical state’. Both fear and anger are based on the incidence of stress.

In general, once the body has reached its stressed (‘ready for fight or flight’) condition, it is our interpretation of the event which will denominate the emotion of fear or anger. The pre-cortex, responsible for decision-making, will send messages to other parts of the brain and the following reactions will be based on its decisions. For this reason, some researchers attest that every state of anger is a result of fear. In detailed physical terms, anger invokes a reaction in which the skin temperature and electrical conductance are increased (the ‘firing sensation’) whilst the opposite occurs when fear is established (the ‘cold sweat sensation’).

All these body responses are biologically designed for survival. There is no evidence that anger per se is hazardous to the human body – the problem lies in the expression of anger, and how easily people get angry (it has been previously stated that excessive stress causes physical harm to the body).

For more information on the physiological basis and outcomes of stress, visit the AIPC Library (www.aipc.net.au/articles) and search for the article ‘Dealing with Stress’.

The Sociological Framework

The perspective on anger has changed over time. The initial societal approach to analysing this issue originated in the principles of several different religions and their particular codes of conduct. In three religions – Buddhism, Islam and Christianity – the view towards anger and violence were never favourable. Buddhists consider it one of the five major negative states (also known as hindrances or nivarana) which directly oppose the way to enlightment. The Islamic religion believes anger is a sign of weakness and an undesirable feeling, whilst early Christianity considered it one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Science has also played its role in defining the perspective on anger. Before Sigmund Freud, most scientists believed that there was no direct biological disposition for the expression (and emotion) of anger. At the end of the 19th century, Freud proposed that individuals were born with an innate aggressive instinct – which when neglected would instigate hostility and aggressive behaviour. This proposition was disregarded in 1988 when the American Psychological Association and the American Anthropological Association reviewed several research papers and concluded there was no clear indication that anger was genetically predisposed. After the human genome was mapped and other scientific advances were accomplished, however, such perspective towards anger began to shift again.

Nowadays, despite the biological or sociological premise of anger, the expression of this emotion is regarded as a highly negative trait in most societies. People that are prone to ‘explode’ are less capable of forming healthy relationships with others, and usually develop a ‘bad image’. Workplaces and social environments commonly object to violence and are intolerant to rage. However, there are some cultures in which violence is a common part of people’s lives – usually in developing countries where there is a significant gap between social standards which cultivates hatred between different layers of society.

Most researchers agree that violent expressions of anger commonly result from ‘behaviour modelling processes’. Children from violent domestic environments tend to behave like their violent parent(s) – and, most of the time, this occurs because they assume it is the appropriate or ‘normal’ way to express their angry emotional state. Violence and anger are also related with situations where being aggressive results in power and social recognition (or perceived respect). Many bullies (particularly male children) act violently upon others to gain status as the alpha male of the group, or simply to express their fears and frustrations by shifting attention and blaming external sources for their personal problems. As previously stated – anger and fear are closely related emotions.

The Bright Side of Anger

If anger is a natural response of the body, why should we oppose it? Being angry is a synonym of being healthy and lively – as much as stress works in the same way. People that express no anger are usually incapable of standing up for themselves, achieving important goals or surpassing difficult obstacles. Anger is not only part of human nature, but also beneficial to the existence of humanity.

Put yourself in the first scenario again: imagine if you felt nothing when you read that newspaper. Anger enables individuals to quickly create an emotional scale which is directly related to their ethical principles and to the avoidance of pain and particular experiences which have resulted in negative outcomes in the past. It is similar to stress defensive mechanisms. If we are completely numb towards something which is totally opposite to our ideals, we are likely to accept it, and as a result, not develop drive and passion towards our most desired goals in life.

The presence of fear, anger and stress helps create the alertness and readiness required to react to the environment. But the decision-making process plays a very important role in how anger will reflect in our behaviour. Most people tend to associate anger with the actual aggressive responses that may follow it. Being angry does not necessarily mean attacking someone or breaking something. Generally there are two types of behavioural responses to anger:

(1) Active responses (fighting, screaming, breaking objects, etc) and;

(2) Passive responses (retreating, sulking, showing hostility or tension, etc).

The actual response cannot really be classified in terms of good and bad - but the intensity and duration of the response, along with the individual’s anger threshold (how easy it is to make a person angry), are the main determinants of an unhealthy anger-responsive behaviour. So if you often get angry with minor problems or situations, or you are unable to control your ‘temper’, or you often get extremely angry about something but simply ‘take it’ and walk away (and then develop hatred) – you may want to consider anger management. Furthermore, the propensity to experience anger can also be increased in particular (and inevitable) situations such as: menopause, PMS, birth, withdrawal (physical), bipolar disorder, etc.

The Dark Side of Anger

If you fit the description in the last paragraph, or know someone that does, there are many options for controlling anger responses in order to have a productive and healthy life. Anger Management has become a popular topic in the last decade. If you type in ‘Anger Management’ on Google, you will find over 31 million pages on the subject and, along with them, numerous strategies and approaches to combat this ‘dark side of the force’. It is important to note that anger and stress directly affect both psychological and physical health in a normal person – therefore it needs to be considered as a ‘real’ threat. Furthermore, it also has a very negative effect in the societal bonds that an individual may have, or could potentially gain.

Counsellors use various approaches in helping clients manage anger. The goal of anger management is to reduce both emotional and physiological arousal that anger causes. Like previously noted, you cannot constantly avoid or change every person, thing or situation which causes anger, but you can learn to control the reactions to them. ‘Letting it out’ or ‘releasing the bad energy’ is not a practical way to get rid of the problems which arise from anger: imagine if a person punches someone or something every time they are angry? This is a practice that is not physically or socially acceptable.

One of the main strategies used by counsellors is relaxation. Relaxation techniques such as imagery, meditation and breathing can assist with controlling feelings of anger and a tendency to violence. Cognitive restructuring provides the client with the opportunity to create a positive mindset towards the world. Using rational thinking and logic, clients aim to ‘defeat’ anger and replace explosive and anti-social behaviour with reflective actions. If you do not believe, ask Anthony Robbins: “Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant”. Simple, yet effective.

Various other strategies include: changing the environment (when it is really inappropriate), using humour (silly humour can be a great substitute for anger), avoiding certain situations (there are some avoidable situations which can be, well, avoided), and improving communication (sometimes the core source of anger is plain miscommunication).

In the end, the objective is to provide the individual with tools he or she will use to become a person who can manage their anger – from their perspective and within the social context.

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Pedro Gondim
http://www.articlesbase.com/psychology-articles/the-word-anger-139860.html

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-3)–

Four of the boys at training tonight are preparing themselves for their first fight at our forthcoming Christians vs. Lions promotion, scheduled for only three weeks hence. All of these lads are boxers.

Three of those four - Joel, Daniel and young Dave - are friends, finishing their last year of school together. They are a great example of how guys from different ethnic backgrounds (Australian, Latin American, and Lebanese respectively) can still be the best of mates. The fourth guy, Louis, is an enormous Islander man. I’m not sure whether he’s Tongan or from the Cook Islands, but he’s a gentle giant really. He reminds me of Mahendar - a regular here at the Youth Centre. They’re both big, black and burly, but with gentle hearts. Louis has a few years on the other boys who were there tonight. He’s a natural in the ring, and plays the role of the older brother very well indeed.

These four boys are the cream of our crop in the fight club at the moment. They are all capable pugilists, but more than that, they are each a good embodiment of what our club is on about - courage, integrity, self-discipline and teamwork. This isn’t to say that none of them have ever been troublemakers. Indeed, I’ve got a court appearance coming up with one of the boys, scheduled for shortly after his fight, and he’s on quite serious charges. Even so, I’ve seen nothing but positive growth since he joined the club, and I’m hoping for positive results both in his fight and in his court case.

What is it that makes fight training such a powerful tool in the molding of young lives? There was a time when I thought of fighting as just another form of sport. I have come to believe though that fight training taps into something deep in the male psyche, in a way that no other sport does.

When I used to talk to my old girls in the church about the problems we had with our young people, they often used to say “what we need is another war”. I always thought that that was a terrible thing to say - that a war was the last thing that anybody wanted. And of course the girls didn’t really want a war. They had just experienced the benefit of being part of a community that had learnt to pull together through difficult times. And they had seen the positive effect that soldiering could have on the lives of young men.

I believe that men were made to fight. It’s part of our genetic makeup. We may have managed to emerge from the jungle, but there’s still a bit of the jungle in each of us, and pugilistic activity keys right in to those ancient impulses - releasing the wild man within.

This theory isn’t original to me of course. It’s part of the fabric of the Bible - there behind every great warrior-king who showed himself to be a “mighty man of God” in battle, and behind Jacob, who went toe to toe with God Himself and yet lived to talk about it (Genesis 32)! These were men who knew how to fight and pray and bleed and serve.

For a more philosophical exposition on the significance of fighting, we need look no further than Plato’s Republic.

For those who haven’t read it, in the Republic Socrates explores the concept of justice through examining both the just society and the just individual, and then he goes on to delineate their common elements. On the societal level he notes that a just community is made up of a number of vital components parts: rulers who govern, workers who labour, and an army that functions to protect them both. In the individual he finds a similar configuration - the mind that governs the body, the limbs that do the work, and the “themos” (which is often translated as “temper” or “aggression” that plays a parallel role in protecting the individual. Justice in the Republic consists in having all of the component parts (in either individual or society) being present and working together properly.

In the wisdom of the ancient Greeks then, the “themos” is the vital third component in the human constitution, along with the mind and the body. Without the “themos”, no individual is complete, and at a social level, no society will ever achieve a true state of justice.

It is my opinion that one of the negative legacies of feminism in Western culture has been an attempt to deny the “themos”, which seems to be more strongly present in men than in women. This has been for the most understandable of reasons - because of the excesses of male violence. But perhaps it’s time that we realised that trying to eliminate “themos” from society altogether is like trying to eliminate spiders and snakes because we find them distasteful. We soon discover that the created order needs all of its creatures - even those that some of us find ugly - if it is to function properly.

My experience with a vast number of men is that they tend to be either functioning as doormats to their wives and girlfriends, or they’re beating up on them. This is a reflection of the same crisis in dealing with the “themos”. When we attempt to repress the themos, it often spurts out in the most horrible and destructive of forms. When we successfully repress it, we emasculate our men, so that they’re no longer able to stand up for anything. Ironically, of course, such modern day men are not only unable to offer any strength to society. They’re no longer even attractive to the women they sought to please.

The only constructive alternative is for us to reharness the “themos” and channel it creatively. We need to get in touch with that distinctive male energy - recognise it, affirm it, and then learn to bring it under control so that it can be put to good use. Perhaps when we are able to do this, then we will see this country produce leaders of the calibre of Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, or Mahatma Ghandi - strong people of principle who stand up powerfully for what they believe in. As it is, our leaders always seem to come across as being either “wooses” or criminals or both. God knows we need some real men in this country who know what it means to love their women, to be fathers to their children, and to serve God and their community with their strength!

Fight training, I do believe, is a means to getting at that “themos” and learning to bring it under control. When done in the right way, fight training can help a young person to discover who they are and can help them to bring their futures into focus. They can then come to see their role as warriors in this society who will stand up and use their energy to build a better community and to fight for things worth fighting for.

What about these boys who I watched training with me tonight? Will they go on to become “mighty men of God”? I don’t know. But they’re on the right track, and they’re further ahead now than when they first started their training..

Dave Smith
http://www.articlesbase.com/sports-and-fitness-articles/forgotten-secrets-of-the-ancient-greeks-show-us-how-to-keep-teenagers-out-of-trouble-96906.html

During a deep discussion someone close to me revealed that they were unable to forgive themselves for some things they had done. They knew it was preventing them from moving forward with their dreams, but they had absolutely no idea how to get past it. Watching someone you love suffer is awful, and worse if you are witnessing needless suffering. It got me to thinking about the purpose of guilt and how to help someone, even myself, to move into a place of forgiveness.

All of us have something to forgive.

We each have something or someone to forgive…I hear it all the time in my work. Whether it’s small stuff like a thoughtless comment, or a pet who got sick on the rug, or following a slow car that made you late (the nerve!)…to the colossal things like a trusted friend who lied to you and hurt you, or the mother who refuses to let you live your own life, or the driver who fell asleep and cost you something precious. Maybe it’s wishing you hadn’t lost your temper, or your self control, or a time you regret being spiteful or impatient. Perhaps it’s wishing you had been somewhere one minute earlier, or had listened to that advice.

Life happens.

But truth be told, we all have something to forgive because life is always happening - especially when we’re not ready. There will always be opportunities to deal with situations that test us. In each event, we bring our humanness to the table and do the best we can in that moment. Ready or not, the sun will rise today, and ready or not, it will set today. In between, the wind may blow, the rain may fall, and the light may shine…all simultaneously, depending on where you are. Stuff happens.

Guilt makes martyrs.

A wise woman healer I know said that “the only function of guilt is to prevent you from taking action.” Simply put: Guilt makes martyrs. It takes away your power and makes you a victim. Guilt and shame are thieves stealing the life you were born to live. It’s misdirected energy aimed at keeping you weak.

Are you a victim or a victor? Choosing to keep yourself in the suffering and tormented place means you remain a victim. No bravery is required. This is actually not a hard choice for anyone already used to pain, because if you don’t know what it’s like to live without pain - be it physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, then on some level you are always seeking to recreate it. Victims and martyrs love pain. Victors choose peace.

Guilt exposed!

Lets be clear here. I am NOT saying that we shouldn’t feel responsible for our actions or become heartless. I am talking about using regret in a proactive way to navigate to a healing place. Guilt’s chief function is to create immobilization, inaction, pain, suffering, and martyrdom. I am saying that if you are letting personal guilt drive the vehicle of your life then you are not allowing yourself to take action and responsibility. This is about learning new tools and using the actions of the past to create a better now and a better future.

Action is courage.

Real bravery is going back to face the thing (either literally or in your heart) that you have previously done and being wiling to do it better than before. So whenever it’s possible, make amendments to those you may have hurt - including yourself! Living with an attitude that you are going to do better every day from here forward takes real courage. Action is courage!

How do you forgive yourself?

You make a choice to, no different than an alcoholic or addict chooses sobriety. You do it one day at a time, one moment at a time. You choose to take action every day and live your life up to the standards of what you now know you want. Face your fears head-on by taking positive action for a new outcome. Give yourself your FULL blessing to do better in each new moment and to stop suffering about things you did in the past. If you really want to feel better, than use your energy for doing what you can right now to show your positive changes in thinking. If you were previously unkind, then be kind now, previously thoughtless, be thoughtful now and so on. Walk your talk. That’s how living in ‘The Light’ works!

The truth will set you free.

This is how alcoholics and addicts go back to reclaim their kids, their jobs, their wives and their lives successfully every single day. They do a fearless moral inventory, go to those they have hurt or wronged when possible and give a sincere apology or amendment as an act of acknowledgement and a step of forgiveness for themselves. Guilt is no different. If you can make a heartfelt apology, do it. Take action and don’t delay. If you cannot because the person/situation isn’t available, then try writing a ceremonial letter of truth, or making a symbolic donation as acts of release and self healing. Promise to do better. Set it free.

Forgiving is not the same as forgetting.

Remember forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Part of taking care of yourself is knowing how to forgive and make discerning choices. A discerning choice means that you remember the past enough to adjust your course and avoid any ‘holes in the sidewalk’ if you see them again. If you have hurt someone they may need evidence that the ‘holes in your sidewalk’ have been patched. Your evidence is your commitment to do better each time that you realize you can, and to promptly act on it.

As you know better, you do better.

If you still can’t get beyond your past choices or behaviors, ask yourself to honestly answer this: At the time which that event(s) took place, given the information, attitude, climate, environment, precipitating factors, and everything else…did you at that time do the best you could given what you were working with? Chances are, in all honesty, the answer is ‘yes.’

What did I learn and how can I grow from this?

Answer these questions from the highest place of love. If you are STILL feeling hard on yourself, then ask what you would say to a child who had made a mistake. Would you continue to abuse them, punish them, embarrass them, berate them, belittle them, withhold love and joy from them, or make them feel awful because of their past choice? Of course not! You would forgive them and then take them by the hand and help them by asking about what other choices they might choose if something like this ever came up again. You would leave them in a state of love, action and empowerment. You would help inspire them to feel like they are learning positive things (not guilt and shame) and growing and becoming stronger because of it.

News flash!

Regardless of your age, you are that child! And you deserve to be treated the same!

Hindsight is always 20-20.

We’ve heard the expression countless times, but think about it. Looking back in the benefit of hindsight, without duress, and with the light of illumination, anyone could create a list of ’shoulda, woulda, coulda’s’…but the only point that would serve is to help you adjust how you behave right NOW. The past is gone. The only place your power ever exists is in this moment, and if you spend all your present moments punishing yourself about the past then you are inactive (guilt driven), and continuing to steal power from yourself and hurt yourself. Use your hindsight to empower you. Make choices in the present moment that honor you, love you and respect you and those you love. Remember you did then what you knew then. As you know better now, you do better now. Period.

Suffering in your suffering.

Stop wounding yourself further. Get a grip. Once you start to punish yourself sometimes you can’t stop. Then suffering begets more suffering. It’s like sleep walking….WAKE UP! Your life is wasting!

Quit stealing from yourself.

A person who can’t forgive also can’t dream, because that person is busy looking at the past rather than at their future. If you are busy looking in your rear view mirror all the time, you can’t see where you want to go. Remember that great old adage: ‘the wake is not what drives the boat, the wake is what is left behind the boat.’ Don’t let the guilt, shame and pain of your past rob you of the opportunity you have in every moment to do it better, to do it differently. Be the captain of your boat and the good driver of your life.

Focus.

The very thing that you seek to not have (pain) is the thing you keep having! Which makes perfect sense when we apply the laws of both metaphysics and quantum physics, because The Universe will say ‘yes’ to whatever it is we focus on the most. Focus on can’t, and you can’t. Focus on will, and you shall.

Decide. Act. Leap.

Decide to live in the present moment each day and do your best to monitor your actions and choices so that you don’t slip back into an old pattern and cause pain to yourself or others. The moment you realize you just made a bad choice, stop what you are doing and correct course. It’s simple. That’s what people of character do. They continuously learn and adjust (they weren’t just born that way you know!). Whenever you realize you are off course, speak up and correct it. The quicker you do it, the quicker the peace comes. Every day that you complete using this is a day filled with empowerment. Let who you are in the ‘now’ say more about anything that can ever said about you in the past.

Can’t I just learn to live with my guilt and hope to become okay with never having what I want or risk hurting anyone again?Sure, if you want to live the life of a martyr in a pain-filled existence never knowing healing, love, joy or peace. But no matter how long, or what you try to medicate yourself with…like distractions of work, addictions, avoidance, etc., you will never really be able to numb out far enough. So love yourself enough not to sign up for such a hellish existence - where you are essentially frozen in the time of your tragedy.

Is it really this easy?

Yes. It IS if a person is WILLING to live in a state of peace instead of pain. Some people prefer the familiarity of pain and suffering because they fear the unknowns of peace and forgiveness. Maybe they have never had real forgiveness before…but that doesn’t mean that they can’t claim it now! God gives it freely to all of us. In my 40 plus years on the planet, I’ve never heard of anyone who let go of all their guilt, found the peace of forgiveness, and then said that they regretted it. Not one single person!

Find the blessing and embrace it!

What if the very thing that you are having trouble forgiving is actually a HUGE blessing in disguise? Like when being fired actually gave you a chance to relocate and meet your spouse. Or how in losing your own self control you found new respect and compassion for someone you formerly judged for doing the same thing. What if the ‘tragedy’ of your actions has somehow helped to save the lives of others? Look hard, look deep, and find what you can honestly say is a POSITIVE lesson that you are grateful that this situation has taught you. There is always at least one. Find it and feel truly grateful!

The future is created now.

Remember, being unforgiving of something or someone, even ourselves, is a form of self abuse. It’s like saying that you want to keep replaying the pain of that experience over and over and over again. It’s stealing from yourself. No new and good thing can come in because there isn’t any room for it until you let it go. You don’t have to know ‘how,’ you don’t even have to ‘get it.’ You simply have to be in a place where you are willing to allow some new thinking in. And when you do so, there is room for God’s grace to enter, room for healing, peace, love, joy, and freedom.

Forgiveness is an act of faith and self love. And, yes, an act of Divine calling on the Divinity inside each one of us…that we absolutely deserve the chance to do better.

Namaste.

Laura Scott
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/can-you-afford-not-to-forgive-138194.html