Do you find yourself having to resort to shouting or anger to get your point across? Do you feel that others rub you up the wrong way and as a result you lose your temper and go ‘out or control’? Do you feel that sometimes you can go just a little too far? If so then you need to consider getting some help… and fast! In this hectic age that we live in, more and more people are finding it increasingly more difficult to manage their anger. This is due to many reasons; however there are some things that are the same for everyone. Increasingly over the last few years, hypnosis has become a well accepted way to get the help that you need for anger management.

Hello my name is Richard MacKenzie and I am an emotional Freedom Technique and Neuro-linguistic Programming practitioner as well as a Hypnotherapist. For years now I have been helping clients with issues around anger management. Hypnosis is a very successful resource to help control anger, so if you find yourself needing a little help in that area then you may just have found the right solution for you. So what is Hypnosis and how can it help you to control your anger?

Well first of all - Hypnosis has been around for many hundreds of years and in the 1950’s it was accepted by the medical professions as a very viable option to help deal with a great number of issues. Nowadays hypnosis is used for things such as stopping smoking, losing weight, gaining confidence and for anger management.

When we get angry it is because an area of our brain that we refer to as the sub-conscious mind, doesn’t know how to better resolve the situation that we are in. The more we lose our tempers the more the sub-conscious mind begins to see anger as a habit and before we know it, it has all gone out of control.

Hypnosis plays the sub-conscious mind at its own game and begins to re-program it to change its beliefs, thus changing this bad habit. There are some many other benefits to using hypnosis or self hypnosis for anger management; however none as more needed as its speed and efficiency in dealing with such a negative behaviour.

So if you want to give hypnosis a go then I would suggest that you start with a hypnosis download, recording or take a visit to your local hypnotherapist.

Richard MacKenzie
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/anger-management-technique-133762.html

Run a hospitality business for a few years, and you’re likely to have at least a few nights where you had actual nightmares revolving around staffing your business. The neat-as-a-pin waiter who turns out to be a violent felon, the whole staff walking off the job, the chef who loses it and has a breakdown right in your lobby. Have you had the one yet about the new hire you can’t get trained no matter how hard you mentor him, and you look up and realize you’re talking to a department-store mannequin? We’ve all had that one after enough time.

After a few years, you’ll get a feel for whom is a likely candidate for a star performer and who should be shown the door. While the personality types I’m about to describe may have their places in other parts of the world, they probably aren’t cut out for hospitality service.

“What’s in it for me?” An example is an employee who asks about payday or even a raise while on the clock on their first day of work. It is clear that they are not dedicated to doing a good job. Service-oriented people habitually put the customer first; a new hire who is anxious to grab the first paycheck probably isn’t planning on sticking around for the second one.

Unreliable. There isn’t much to keeping up commitments for a hospitality job. Show up on time, keep breaks trimmed to a reasonable period, and carry out their duties. The kitchen is ruled by the clock, and there’s simply no place for a person who will make a promise and not keep it.

Rebels. This is any employee who does not follow the rules, or who challenges you on every idea. For some reason, the restaurant industry sometimes attracts people who have an authority problem. That’s hardly the attitude you need when the meals have to be done and served on time. Let the upstarts go join the army if they want to fight; you’re here to do a basic job and follow rules for both the sake of safety and customer service.

The petty thieves. This can be anything from employees who abuse the clock, by clocking in and then leaving to go eat breakfast, for instance, to those who might mysteriously make a couple of cases of shrimp disappear on the night shift. This isn’t always a case of outright dishonesty. The low wages of the service industry inspires the offer of perks such as free meals and the like. Of course, you might have already made it known that grabbing a bite on the way through the kitchen is tolerated and even encouraged. The crucial point here is to communicate where the firm boundaries are. We all want to be generous employers, but you can “Mr. Nice Guy” yourself out of business if you don’t watch it.

Employees who do not try to learn. It is essential that employees read a job manual if there is one, and make some effort to learn everything that they can from co-workers. Striving to expand the skill-set is a sign of a dedicated employee.

The dreaded “that’s not my job” attitude. This might be OK - even desired - in a job like air traffic control or the military, but there is no place for it in the service industry. A host of daily annoyances will always necessitate employees taking on additional responsibilities, such as filling in for a co-worker who called in sick, or getting slammed with way more business than you were prepared for at a peak hour, or even recovering from an unexpected mishap. After all, what, exactly, is the “unexpected” in this business? It doesn’t matter what job title a given employee has, they should be ready to pitch in wherever they’re needed in an emergency.

Slackers. Whoops, here comes the boss, better look busy! Oh, the managers aren’t here, we can chat and socialize and ignore the customers. Slackers hurt your business two ways, one, by not giving you the day’s work you’re paying for, and two, by angering the other employees who will resent having to fill in for someone who isn’t pulling their weight.

Flakes. Sure we all have personal lives to live outside of work, but the employee whose life is a constant emergency just isn’t what your business needs. It is a shame, because for some people this isn’t truly their fault; they just lack the skills to manage their time and life events efficiently. But others hide behind this mask, counting on your sympathy as they launch into a flat-tire story here and a couldn’t-get-a-babysitter story there. These types of workers often become ‘perpetual victims’, who seem never able to get the work done but to always have an excuse ready as to why.

Bad people skills. A bad temper is the worst; this will be a constant headache for both customer contact and working with other employees. Too many employees don’t heed the warning signs of a person with a poor handle on their emotions. A worker who loses their temper needs to be relieved of duty immediately; before they get you sued for damages when they got into a fight. Your other employees have a right to work in an environment where they do not feel constantly threatened. And of course, how many of us have left a business vowing never to return simply because one employee was rude to us?

The overly-social. This is the flip side of the people skills issue; those who will take more time to socialize with the other employees than they do fulfilling their duties. Best friends don’t always make best co-workers. And then there are those who seek romantic relations, either by dating their co-workers or flirting with the customers. At the least, you will have to carefully communicate to them where the boundaries are to be drawn between work and personal time. And at the wost, you will sometimes have no choice but to let the Romeos and Juliets go.

Josh Stone
http://www.articlesbase.com/management-articles/the-ten-worst-employees-in-your-hospitality-business-133991.html

Life is not as easy as you might think for the extraordinarily beautiful women of the world. Especially with guys. In fact, extraordinary beauty can be an actual handicap when it comes to a woman’s love life. Extraordinarily beautiful women have two problems that more ordinary looking women don’t have:

* They get more sexual harassment than genuine interest from men, because genuinely interested men are normally too intimidated by their beauty to approach them.

* People treat them as if they are unbreakable because nobody can see past their beauty. And believe me, beautiful women can be hurt just as easily as anyone else.

Day in and day out, beautiful women deal with one or the other of the following two different reactions from men:

(1) “I want you baby. But I don’t wanna keep you because after all, since there’s so much competition for you, I’d wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you because there’s always gonna be some guy out there who’s richer than me, smarter than me, better-looking than me, etc.”

(2) “Grant me an audience, your highness, and I will worship at the altar of your royal beauty for the rest of my days. Oh, please, please, I promise to do everything you tell me and never, ever contradict you…”

Sickening, isn’t it? Yet a moderately attractive woman might get completely different reactions from the exact same guys.

Word on the street (Guy Street, that is) has it that these women are conceited. But how would you react to the world if your looks caused 50% of the population to drool over you and the other 50% to wanna claw your eyes out in jealousy? 99% of the time, a beautiful woman’s “conceit” is simply a defense mechanism, and inside they’re no different than other women.

Beautiful women need love, too. So if you take a fancy to one and want to approach her, be ready for the following three tests that you’re gonna have to pass in order to prove that you’re not just another fawning supplicant. If you pass them you’ll find out she’s not so unavailable after all…

The Dirty Dog Test: See (1) above. She will find a subtle way to encourage you sexually and find out if you start panting or not. Women love passionate man, but to most women, a man who can’t control his passions is about as attractive as a man who can’t control his bladder. So show her you have control. Control, not repression. You don’t have to pretend you haven’t noticed her beauty.

The Puppy Dog Test This is the one you’re most likely to run into - every guy who shows the slightest interest is gonna have to pass this test. And this is the one that gets beautiful women unfairly labeled as conceited. The most likely way she’ll come at you is to find a way to insult you or rebuff you despite your polite approach. There are three possible responses:

(a) Break red on her - something along the lines of “Well who needs you anyway, bimbo?”. That will identify you as being an insecure letcher. But then again if that’s what all are, she will probably have weeded you out already.

(b) Apologize profusely, get defensive, or slink away with you tail between your legs (90% of all men). That will identify you as a Puppy Dog. Cute maybe, but hardly attractive.

(c) Just walk away. It’s OK, even expected, that you will be a little bit indignant at being treated rudely - just keep your temper, that’s all. This reaction will get you identified as Someone Worth Considering. And you don’t have to be good-looking or rich - this type of man is harder for her to find than it is for you to find a woman who looks like her.

The Jealousy Test Bring other guys in front of your face and see if you get angry or look insecure. Just smile. By the way, if she approaches you out of the blue and asks for a dance, be wary - she might just be using you to pull the Jealosy Test on someone else.

Fred Jones
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/the-unique-psychology-of-extraordinarily-beautiful-women-125038.html

Most of us just don’t have enough time to have a proper balanced meal. We try to juggle appointments across cities, work late, fulfilling difficult goals, and even try to squeeze thirty hours into a 24 hour day. Very often all we have the time for is a very quick cup of coffee, maybe a snack and a pastry from the neighborhood coffee shop. There is no doubt that you will feel energized after this meal, but what you’re doing is you are eating the wrong kind of food. After some time you might develop problems with your metabolism and you’ll start wondering why I am always so very tired. But that’s not all, during all that time you have been depriving your body of nutrient that are essential to your health. So you see, your whole diet, the way you live your life, levels of anxiety and stress, your medical condition can make it clear why you’re constantly so very tired.

Feeling of anxiety and stress can put a pressure on your emotional health and thus can be the main reason why you’re always tired. The blood pressure raises and dangerous hormones such as adrenaline are created inside your body. One reason why you might be feeling always tired right after losing your temper is that the body has to divert its limited reserves of energy to control the increasing blood pressure and hormones. The truth is, losing your temper too often can be lethal for people who have high blood pressure with compromised cardiac status.

Some of the generally prescribed tablets especially those intended to treating depression may cause you to feel always tired. Treating cancer for example often entails extended energy sapping treatments and in the end you end up feeling tired all the time.

People with anemia also complain of feeling tired. In anemia, a person has a low red blood cell count. Red blood cells carry oxygen to the cells. A low level of red blood cells may point to the fact that many millions of cells in your body are not getting sufficient amount of oxygen. This means thatyou’ll feel tired more often.

Here is what you can do in case you’re feeling always tired. Detoxify yourself with a refreshing glass of lemon water. Make sure you have plenty fresh fruits and green vegetables in your diet everyday. They are the most natural reserve of necessary nutrients. Make sure you restrict your consumption of alcoholic beverages to the absolute minimum and avoid smoking. Try to avoid stress at home as well as at work. If you do this you’ll make sure that you as well as your family will live longer and live better. A fitness routine like running or swimming or going to a gym is one of the best ways to keep your body fit and energetic. What is more you won’t feel always tired anymore.

Adam Ashford
http://www.articlesbase.com/nutrition-articles/discovering-what-is-causing-my-fatigue-497168.html

The reported cases of autism seem to be sweeping the country like never before, and autism is frequently seen on the news and in special TV reports. Is there an epidemic going on or is it just that autism is now gaining more visibility? Recent studies indicate that as many as 1 in 162 children have autism to some degree.

The tough part about autism is that it is difficult to diagnose. It’s not like a broken arm where you can take an x-ray and determine yes the arm really is broken. Rather, much of the diagnosis of autism is somewhat subjective, although there are definite signs to indicate that a child has autism or autistic spectrum disorder to some degree. The other tough part is that the degree of autism varies from child to child. The very mild form of autism is known as Asperger’s Syndrome. But regardless of the severity, an accurate diagnosis as early as possible is extremely important, since the child can benefit greatly from different educational methods that are employed for autistic children.

Signs of autism or indications that might lead you to think your child has ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) would be a very unusual response or a lack of response at all to noises and other people. Autistic children do not care to be socially involved with other children or adults, but rather they seem to live in their own world. Another sign is that affected children are engrossed with a toy or particular object. Engrossed may not be the right word however, it is more like they are totally 100% focused on that object, for as long as hours at a time, even an inanimate object.

Autistic children do not like a change of routine. If your child is subject to temper tantrums for what seem like insignificant events, you should examine the change that occurred which may have spurred the tantrum, since autistic children can get very upset and unsettled when their regular routine is interrupted by something else.

There is neither a known cause for autism nor a known cure. It is primarily thought to be a neurological condition and it is not thought to be hereditary. Many people believe that there is a correlation between autism and mercury contamination. The mercury contamination goes back to the normal childhood vaccinations that all children receive before they enter school. There is a preservative that has been used in some of these vaccinations known as Thimerosal which is almost 50% mercury. Although the dangers of mercury are well known, its link to autism is still just a theory and is not supported at this point by any scientific evidence.

A more recent report states that scientists in New Jersey have asserted that children who have been diagnosed with autism seem to be unable to metabolize key fatty acids that fight brain-damaging inflammations. This is an interesting find, although as yet unsubstantiated, since it is known that autism has a tendency to scramble the signals going to the brain and cause them to be interpreted incorrectly. More studies are being conducted, but if this latest study can be validated, a virtual cure for autism could be as simple as a “therapeutic cocktail of fatty acids”.

Like anything else, early diagnosis is a key ingredient to finding the help your child needs to fight autism and get the necessary help, particularly during elementary school education, where special schools can provide the type of environment needed by the autistic child, whereas normal public schools are not equipped to provide that type of one-on-one special handling for a particular student.

Jon Arnold
http://www.articlesbase.com/health-articles/defining-autism-and-new-autism-studies-results-134203.html

Though I am not a doctor, my advice comes from a combination of personal experience and therapy given to me by professionals. Leaving someone controlling and/or abusive can be (and usually is) a dangerous situation, so more than anything, my wish to you is to call your local domestic violence hotline and get help in finding a therapist that can assist you in your quest. It truly helps to have help from these places as they can help you find lodging, clothing, counseling and more, all for the asking. The help I recieved from multiple agencies to leave my ex was all free. Do not let your fear of these places scare you. You don’t have to stay in a shelter if you don’t want to. I didn’t. There are alternatives to everything. It is more scary to continue living with violence, home should be a place of refuge, not of fear. Let others help you, to get not only guidance but support.

First of all, I will briefly explain my story. I met a charming, well-heeled (or so I thought) businessman on a reputable online dating site. We hit it off, long story short, I moved in with him. As time went on, it became clear to me that he was hiding something. And, I caught him in lies about many things, big and small. After doing some snooping, it was revealed that the man had just left another woman after trying to drain her of her money. And, he had been married more times than he’d said. His whole story was a lie. I felt devastated. The more I tried to talk things over with him, the worse our relationship became. He became violent, controlling and would disappear on business trips, coming back with “signs” of another woman. He began to threaten, and became phyiscally violent. Without the free cellphone the domestic violence agency gave me, I would’ve been seriously injured or killed. I was in the process of leaving him, that is what sparked his violent rage. I was hurt, stabbed in the hand with a knife, but fought him off and locked myself in the bathroom as I called the police. They arrested him, I had a restraining order put out on him and finished moving my things the next day. Then, I was gone for good.

After this situation, I drove to a new city, far away from where he was, and got a new apartment. It took a few days, so I stayed in a hotel until the right place was found. The first place wasn’t great, but it was safe, even if I had to sleep on the floor. All my things were in storage in another state. I didn’t care, it felt good to know that I was free of the horrible person who tried to control, intimidate and hurt me. With me were my two cats, who were traumatized but ok. They adjusted to hotel living and to the new place faster than I thought they would. In time, I found a gorgeous place, brought my furniture down from the storage place, and bought new furniture. Now, I live on a lake, happily free of any pain.

So, what to do first? Start as much in advance of your move as possible. Quietly, remove things that are of value to you. Frequently, abusers will destroy things of value to their victims, it’s part of their control issues. Pack a suitcase with the basics and store that, too. You will need it if leaving in a hurry happens. Also, take important papers, photos and documents. Put them in a storage unit or apartment that is NOT close to your current residence. That way, when you’re gone, you won’t need to drive near the abuser’s place. Only take things that aren’t easily noticed, if confronted, never tell the abuser what you are doing. Your safety depends heavily on it. It’s about self-preservation, you are an adult and don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. Just calmly blow off any attempts to figure out what you are doing and be as discreet in removing items as possible.

Calmly and without anger, co-exist with your partner while secretly getting help elsewhere. Keep an even temper, so not to add tension to an already tense relationship. Keeping the peace is needed, as best as you can. Read up on the “Cycle of Violence”. It explains the build-up of tension before a fight, the fight, then the “honeymoon” period afterwards. It is a handout that every domestic violence agency has and gives out to anyone living with an abusive partner. And it is helpful in understanding the dynamics of abusers, and how to respond to them. If you can, go to a support group. This way, you can discuss your weekly goings on with others who are also going through difficult situations. A good group, in my opinion, is one that listens to stories, but also gives ideas on coping with each situation. Listening to others’ stories helped me gain the strength to leave.

Living with someone abusive can drain you of all energy, consume your mind with hopes of a better life later (no, you can’t fix the person, trust me) , and make you feel absolutely worthless. Remember, it’s the situation you are in, and not a definition of who you really are. You are a good person, in a bad relationship. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Friends of mine got mad at me for not leaving sooner, they didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just up and go to a shelter. I had pets (shelters don’t accept them) and refused to leave them with the abuser. I planned it all so I’d leave, and not leave anything of mine behind, especially my pets. Protect your pets by leaving them with others for safe keeping, if possible. Abusers will sometimes kill pets, because they know they are important to the victim. People may be upset with you for not leaving when they think you “should”, but only you know when the time is right. Sometimes it takes a few dry runs before the actual time you leave, but when you are truly fed up enough, you will know when and be done with the person. Remember, the MOST DANGEROUS time in the relationship is when you leave the abuser, this is when murders usually happen. They are losing control of you and will react in whatever way they can to take control. Take this seriously if you’re going to leave. Don’t let others dictate when you are ready, trust your own judgment.

Abusive people tend to like control, and isolating their victims. It’s subtle sometimes, but in time, the person being controlled is slowly isolated from friends and family. Each case is different. Be aware of this, and for this reason, it is important to have a confidante you can turn to, who will be there for you. It can be a friend, co-worker, or therapist. Just someone to talk to, to touch bases with, who is trustworthy and who won’t tell the abuser what you are doing. Talking to others helps you not to isolate and keep all the stress inside. In my case, I used friends in another state, and a therapist from the domestic violence center. Fight isolation. Give yourself the ability to be around others, and interact with them. This gives you a voice, builds your confidence and lets others know if you need help or not.

When you are ready to leave, enlist the help of human agencies or services if need be to help you move. A local church helped me for free with lightweight items so I could use my own money to pay a mover for the heavier items. I moved fast, not knowing how long the authorities would keep my ex in jail. Call around, find out who is willing to help. Shop around for good moving rates. One guy tried to jack up the price on moving, I told him to get lost. Don’t let moving scammers take advantage of your situation, by standing firm and not taking any extra-payment-needed garbage from anyone. Don’t be shy, this is a good time to build your self-esteem by standing up for yourself. Don’t tell the abuser about any of this. Plan the move when you know your partner won’t be around for a long period of time, at least a few hours. This is a new life and they have no part of it, so they need not be a part of it AT ALL.

Pre-plan how to leave with kids involved, by talking the situation over with an attorney. If you cannot afford one, call around, looking for an attorney who will do “pro-bono” work (free legal advice). They are out there, and you can find them if you look. Or, go to a Legal Aid society in your area and ask them what to do. They are in major cities, and are there to help those who cannot afford legal representation.

Move out of the person’s life abruptly, and don’t look back. If you must go to court against a spouse for any reason, take someone with you or ask the court staff to accompany you to your car if you are afraid of the person. Be proactive, defend against being a victim. I carried pepper spray in the form of a pen that I bought on an online auction. And had another in my home, too. It pays to be as prepared as possible against attacks. Some people take self-defense courses. Violence can happen in the blink of an eye, so it pays to be alert if the abuser is threatening. Do not underestimate threats. Many people are killed by thinking their spouse would never be capable of murder. Sometimes, violent threats with weapons go wrong and accidents happen. Never underestimate threats or aggression. Ever.

By being alert and pre-planning a new life, you are on your way to a more fulfilling life, if you make it so. It won’t feel good in the beginning, but it will get better, believe me. Time is your friend in this. Remember, you have worth, nobody defines you, you define yourself. In the end, it’s about taking care of yourself and removing the victim. Be a victor. It may mean sleeping on the floor of an apartment without furniture for awhile, or on a friend’s couch, but that is OK. Do whatever is best for you in the situation. Don’t look back, and have NO contact with the abuser. If you do, the person will try and make amends, to try and win you back, most likely. Believe none of it. Staying means an increase of aggression. That is part of the Cycle of Violence. You can do much better. One day at a time.

Carolyn McFann
http://www.articlesbase.com/women’s-issues-articles/suggestions-for-leaving-an-abusive-partner-by-one-whos-been-there-126050.html

How many times have you said, “Finally I have found my soul mate”, only to realise later that a big mistake has been made and you are desperate to undo it. If you are lucky, you can extricate yourself with just a bruising of the ego, some deep but thankfully temporary heartache and a lot more cynicism coloring your views on romance. Yet there are millions of people all over the world who are blissfully in love, even after years of togetherness and despite problems both large and small. Surely it can’t all be due to luck. So how do they do it? The answer seems obvious - if you want to be in a lasting relationship with a man who will be your best friend, your succour in times of trouble, someone who will accept you as you are and who will help you achieve your full potential, then you must choose the man who has the qualities that you are looking for.

Too often, a woman rushes into romance and realizes too late that love has blinded her to traits in the man that she would normally avoid. It is important to analyze the reason you feel ready to settle down as this will color your actions and if the motivation is wrong, it can make you vulnerable and prone to making the wrong choice. Once you have clarified your motives in your mind, it is time to make a checklist of what to look out for in the man of your dreams.

1) Expression of Temper - The key word here is not temper but how it is expressed. Anger is not a bad thing per se; for example, it can motivate one to change things for the better. But if the man in your life has trouble expressing his anger in an appropriate manner, then you have to watch out. Passive anger is manifested either by giving you the cold shoulder treatment, by belittling you or making sniping remarks about you in front of others especially when you can’t or don’t want to retaliate, being sarcastic and passing it off as a joke if you ask him what he meant by the remark, withholding praise or congratulations when you deserve it - in short, trying to undermine your confidence without raising his voice or hand. Men who express their temper in an aggressive manner are harder to predict. There are some who start by throwing a plate or two and wind up beating their wife or girlfriend on a regular basis. There are others who get into arguments or fights, punch the wall, kick the table but would never think of doing the same to a woman. Some men are fine till they have the first drink past their tolerance level, then the brooding begins, accusations flow and before you know it, he’s abusing you, either verbally, physically or both. It is one thing to have a screaming row (not recommended, but one must be realistic!), it is a totally different matter if it escalates to violence.

2) Relationship with Mother and Sisters - A boy’s first contact with the female sex is usually with the women in his family, notably his mother and sisters. The quality of this relationship almost always marks his conduct towards women later in life. The ideal relationship of a manwith his mother and sisters would be a close, loving one yet independent of them. If he is either cold and distant or emotionally needy and dependent on them, you can be sure that that is how he will be with you. All his unresolved issues will be transferred from them to you. So it is definitely worth checking out his family and how he interacts with them.

3) Reactions of Your Friends - A lot of women decide to choose their new boyfriend over their long time friends, if it turns out that they don’t like him and feel that she is making a mistake. For the most part, your close friends want only what is best for you. They know you well and they can be a lot more objective than you. So instead of feeling insulted or getting angry, allow them to have their say. Listen intently and take their views seriously - after all, this is what friends do, look out for each other. Weigh the pros and cons of alienating those on whose support you have relied in the past and might have need of in the future. If they have strong enough qualms about your relationship that they are willing to risk their friendship to tell you about how they feel, perhaps you should take heed of their advice.

4) Rigidity and Control - Do you find that although he seems to listen to your suggestions on matters important to both of you, most things get done the way your boyfriend /partner wants? So much so that after a time, you stop offering your input and just go along with whatever he decides. The reaction to your standing firm is so negative that you feel it is not worth fighting for. Do you find that you seem to spend less and less time with your family and friends and that your social circle seems to be getting smaller and smaller? When you both first decided to be a couple, it was flattering to have him want you all for himself. But time goes by and what seemed romantic then, now feels stifling. When you suggest that it might be a good idea to spend time with others, does he get upset, annoyed, accusatory or suspicious? Does he want to know your whereabouts or constantly call you? These are the acts of a man both possessive and insecure, who needs to always control you. Ask yourself if this is how you want to live your life.

5) Taking Responsibility - A mature individual has no problem admitting to his/her mistakes. When you find that your man is constantly making excuses, refusing to take responsibility for his actions or blaming others for his lack of success, you can be pretty sure that soon he will be laying all his failures at your feet. In a relationship of any duration, there are bound to be times when one does something that the other doesn’t like or is hurt by. If sincere apologies are tendered and accepted, the rift is healed and the bond can get even stronger. However, if the apology is self serving or forgiveness is withheld, it shows a lack of generosity of spirit that does not bode well for the relationship.

6) Your Gut Instinct - A well adjusted and confident woman can easily spot a man who does not seem to fit his public persona. Her gut instinct would tell her to avoid him and she should follow her instinct. Never be under the illusion that he is misunderstood or that he can be changed by the love of a strong and caring woman - namely you. No one can make another person change; that has to be a voluntary decision. If at anytime you feel that the relationship is not turning out the way you hoped it would, then you should think hard and decide whether you would be better off if you left now before you commit yourself further.

In the end, it really is not very complicated if you keep in mind that for a relationship to develop into a loving one, there has to be a concerted effort on both sides to bring out the best in each other, to respect and cherish each other’s individuality and most importantly to give each other the space to grow. Ask yourself this, “I love him, but do I really like him”? I think Ella Wheeler Wilcox says it best - ” All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon the sand.”

Naresh Belliyappa
http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/6-sure-fire-ways-to-find-out-if-he-is-the-man-for-you-90942.html

Your autistic child is not blind nor has a physical disability that renders them helpless, but most autistic children do lack the ability to make safe choices. Parents of autistic children are diligent, they have to be, but wouldn’t be safer and give the parents more peace of mind is there was an extra set of eyes watching their child. Now there is a service that provides canine assistance to autistic sufferers. 4Paws, the first autistic assistance dog agency, has dogs that can be placed with your autistic child and with a doctor’s approval no family can be turned away.

One of the most disturbing phenomena concerning autism is the child’s ability to just run away. You can be washing dishes and as soon as you turn your back your child can be gone. There are normal situations in which a autistic child can make very dangerous. They can fall into a pool or run into traffic and you would hardly know they were gone. An autistic assistance dog would alert you if your autistic child was to deviate from their normal pattern. Either by barking or by gaining your attention physically, the autistic assistance dog will give you enough warning to catch the child before they put themselves into danger.

Not only will the dog alert you that the child is missing but they will help you track and find the child. The bond between the child and dog is something special and that bond will instill the dog to protect and find your lost child. This relationship tends to be odd for more autistic children because the bonding process does not happen sometimes even if it is a human relationship. The communication process sometimes even excludes the parent from a loving relationship. Testimonials from parents who have received autistic assistance dogs say that they are amazed at how the animals and children interact.

Another benefit to both parents and the child is the parent’s report that the child has more feelings and compassion toward their dog then they do toward siblings or adults. The parents also state that once the dog is placed in the home, the autistic child shows less aggression and anger. In one case a parent said that there autistic child stopped showing frustration all together. Before the canine assistant the child would throw temper tantrums and physically attack the person they were angry at. Now the child, when frustrated, goes and hugs his dog until the anger goes away.

Another behavior that is trained to the assistant dog is to recognize repetitive behavior. If a child is prone to hand flapping as many autistic children demonstrate, it usually takes the touch of a parent to redirect the behavior. Now that is the dog’s responsibility. The dog will gently touch or nuzzle the child when the behavior happens and the child will learn through conditioned response that they are presenting a negative behavior and the behavior will stop.

The only reason that a dog will not be placed in your home is if your home is not suitable for the pet. The cleanliness of your home and your financial ability to own a pet is severely scrutinized. Also the safety of the pet is looked at. If your child is so violent that the dog may be injured because of a temper tantrum or other aggressive action, the agency has the right to deny you a dog or to pull the dog from your home. If you have a puppy that you would like trained to be an autism assistant dog, 4Paws does offer a school in which you, the child, and the dog will be taught to work together as a team.

Jonathan Sullivan
http://www.articlesbase.com/mental-health-articles/autism-assistance-dogs-503102.html

Though I’m not a therapist, my experience in the subject of controlling, critical and aggressive people comes from thirty years of counseling, due to needing to deal with this issue from very early in life. I used to blame myself for others’ bad behavior, until I learned the truth of the matter. It was a freeing experience. Here is a summary of years of advice from professionals, who helped me to deal with the effects of abuse suffered in childhood at the hands of an angry and controlling family member. I harbor no ill will against that person, and now am quite sensitive at reading and reacting to difficult people as a result. It is possible to have peace, here are a few ways I use to achieve calm during a “storm”.

When people you know are really hard on you for no good reason, judging everything you say or do, please realize that it is not your fault that they behave this way. It is their problem, their upbringing and insecurities showing. They may have been mistreated as children, and as a result may harbor deep needs to control things. It’s their way of trying to make things “right” in their minds, after past problems they were unable to control. Sad, but true.

So, what do you do to deal with someone who targets you for harsh judgment, anger, or control? Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells when around a difficult person? It is a lousy feeling to feel trapped in the radar of someone who is hard to relate to. You say one thing, they say another. Or, you do it your way, and they tell you it’s all wrong and needs to be done their way. It can be a blow to your self-esteem to tolerate poor treatment like this on a long-term basis. If you are constantly being told everything you do is wrong, or blamed for things unjustly, how can you feel good about yourself? The best thing to do is to consider the source and don’t take anything said to you personally. Don’t let the troubled person define you, remember, you define yourself. Quietly know that you are the one in control. Don’t argue. The other person wants to affect you, but can’t unless you let him. Leave your emotions out of it, just look at the situation for what it is: you are emotionally stronger than the other person. You don’t force your will on others, or try to make them do things. You know better.

First of all, don’t dignify tirades of rudeness or temper tantrums with anger back. Let the offending person own their problems by not letting them engage you in a battle. You don’t have to play their game. If you react negatively, they’ve “won” and will feel even more powerful over you. To keep your power, the best thing to do is put up boundaries, or rules to what you will or won’t tolerate. This must be done calmly, and without emotion. To be effective, you must maintain this demeanor, no matter how hard the controller tries to evoke a reaction from you. If they try to make you do something you don’t want to do, tell them so and then walk away. Be a broken record, by continuing to repeat yourself calmly if they keep bugging you, if necessary. You owe nobody an explanation so whatever you do, don’t explain your reasoning. Just remove yourself from the situation, quietly. Your silence and calmness get the point across. If they follow you and want to continue the discussion, tell them you will talk to them later, and that you are to be left alone until then, then say nothing else. Just separate yourself from the situation and wait until they are more rational and calm if the discussion needs to be continued. Keep emotion out of the conversation by maintaining composure. Remember, you have a voice, and your opinion matters. When dealing with someone who is being aggressive and controlling, you are maintaining control of the situation by not fighting with the person.

Your coolness may unnerve and anger your aggressor. They want a reaction from you. Some aggressors will up the ante by threatening, insulting or getting physical. Don’t tolerate violence, if you feel like your life is being threatened then leave for awhile. It pays to think ahead during high-tension situations, for safety’s sake. Maintain peace by keeping your boundaries and not fighting. Eventually, the aggressor will tire of pushing the issue and back down or go find someone else to hassle.

It is possible to co-exist with controlling people but from a distance if at all possible. Have your own opinions, live the life you want to live without apology. If you are picked on, keep cool and maintain your own individuality. It takes a lot of personal energy to defend oneself, so don’t. Keep that energy for yourself. Remember, it is your life, nobody else’s. Be at peace with yourself and others. I still have relationships with those who try to control me, but I limit my exposure to them. They have been “trained” by my lack of willingness to fight or argue, yet they still try on occaision to rile me up. It doesn’t matter to me because I choose not to engage in the conflict. I believe in myself and won’t surrender my personal power to anyone. Be positive and believe in yourself. Your opinions and thoughts are important and they do count, so don’t let the critics get you down.

Carolyn McFann
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/successfully-dealing-with-controlling-aggressive-and-difficult-people-in-your-life-126027.html

Do you think you are a perfect parent? In my humble opinion, there is no such thing. The sooner you realise this, the sooner you can start improving your parenting skills. Do you blame your poor parenting skills on your child being so naughty, so challenging? The chance is, it is not your child’s fault but yours really.

Here goes the 5 tips:

1. Know Thyself: What makes you tick? What drives you over the wall? What makes you smile? If you know yourself, you can start being aware of your state. The plan is to do something before the ‘bad’ state sets in. In other words, you should be so intimate with your being that you would ‘feel’ a temper arising, an impatience surfacing, before it is too late for you to take control.

2. Read the Situation: Children do it - what can’t you as an adult read the situation? How many times have you been faced with your child already taking advantage of the situation before you catch on?

Picture this:- the phone rings and your best friend is on the other end of the phone. As you relax into a pleasant conversation with your friend, your child jumps to the occasion and asks whether she/he can have that bar of chocolate that has been lingering on the table. You hardly take any notice and sub-consciously nod your approval. Got cha!!!!

Then when you realise what you have done, you blow in a temper not at yourself (oh no no no) but at your child. Do you get my point? Read the situation and pre-empt any ‘wise’ moves from your child.

3. Know Thy Child: Come on, after all this child has lived (in most cases) all his/her life with you. Have you not learnt your lessons every time she/he outwits you? Be aware, be perceptive, be analytical… and, most of all, be analytical of what and why something happened after it has happened. Dissect the situation and see where the event deviated from where you were leading it to.

4. Change Yourself: Who likes changes? No-one in my view. Changing ourselves? Nay, nay nay! Your child is forever changing whether she/he wants to. The various stages of growing up (baby, toddler, pre teenager, teenager, post teenager, pre adult…) will ensure your child goes through changes at various levels, be it emotional, mental, physical and so on. Your parenting skills that may have worked when your child was in one stage of her/his life, will probably not work at other stages of his/her life. Is that reason enough for you to change. My answer is Yes without doubt. Besides, you, as an adult too, go through various stages that will change you hopefully for the best as the wings of wisdom embrace you.

5. Start Again and Again and Again: So you failed again. You made a promise to yourself that you would keep cool in any situation with your child and not lose your temper or give in and… yet again it happened. That sweet little child has such a knack at pushing the right button (or more accurately the wrong button) to make you spit fire. So what?! Beat yourself for a minute if you want, then analyse, analyse, analyse. What went wrong? Why did you lose your temper? Were you maybe feeling tired that day both mentally and physically; were you maybe ill or even had a challenging day at work??? Of course with your busy life, there are several reasons to lose your good intentions. Try better next time. Look at where the flaw was and pre-empt the same thing happening next time.

6. Before you accuse me of not being able to count, this is a freebie tip. An important one. Are you ready? Here goes: Laugh at yourself and your child from time to time. Based on my own personal experience, I affirm that you may find that one day, when your child is more of an adult and wiser, you will both laugh at it (unless you have fallen out with each other by then - this is a topic I will cover another time). For this article, it is the happy ending of your child who has finally grown up a little bit more, has gone through a few challenges in life as adult and finally sees what motives were driving ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’. You will both go back to memory lane and reminisce over the good, and not so good, times of old and laugh about them.

I would love to give you more examples and more tips about your relationship with your child. You think you have mastered the tricks of your lovely child but he/she soon pulls out 10 more tricks on you. Parenting is a daily learning experience even when your child has turned 30 and older. Happy Parenting!

Marie Anne Chantal
http://www.articlesbase.com/home-and-family-articles/5-tips-on-how-to-outwit-your-child-669286.html