I usually have a fight with my bf. It’s actually a non-sense fight. It’’s just because of small things and I just can’t really control my anger. I’ve tried to calm down but then he slowly fires me then. We just can’t lower down our temper immediately. We still need someone to walk out before that nonsense problem would be resolve. I don’t know how to keep my anger. Just like now..we just had a fight and I walked out.
A selection of treatments follow: If you can’t deal with it by using one of the techniques, such as counting backwards from 20, to 1, (and prevent yourself from making yourself angry, in the first place) is important to express that anger appropriately, at the time, and to the person who caused it, if possible, or immediately afterwards. If not, maybe by walking away later, and bellowing your rage and/or frustration. In some situations, such as work, or school, it might be better to cover your mouth with a cupped hand, bandanna/handkerchief, or use the crook of your elbow, to muffle the sound. Some people find that it helps to journal those thoughts, and emotions soon afterwards.
Anger, which is repressed, rather than healthily expressed, tends to fester, and later may cause explosive fits of rage, or depression. Let yourself feel the burning energy of that anger, and visualise it, as vividly as possible, as a hot flame cleansing you. It can help to have someone you can talk to. For more physically inclined people, a punching bag, or hitting your pillow, can be an effective release mechanism: visualise, as vividly as you can, that you are striking back at the cause of that anger. “But next time, when you get mad, just remember this quote: ‘Those who anger you, conquer you.’ It’s basically saying that when you give someone the power to make you mad, or let it get to you, it’s like they’re controlling you.
When I realized that, it made me mad, so I try to control my anger and not let people see it. You can still control your anger without being walked all over. You just have to draw a line.” Try saying to yourself, in your mind: “I am fire! I am ice!”. Repeat for as long as it takes for you to calm down sufficiently. Anger management is addressed in much more detail than can be included here, in section 4, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and practice daily, one of the relaxation methods in section 2, 2.c, 11, or 2.i Most people find the progressive muscular relaxation simple, and it can be done in several minutes. Others prefer to repeat a word, like “easy” in their minds, or a short phrase, and focusing your attention on your breath is another technique. You will know from the ease of use, and effect, which suits you best.
A variant of Eye Movement Desensitisation & Reprocessing therapy, which has been used successfully for those people suffering from anxiety: it is easily learned, quick to use, yet can be very effective, is on page N, of section 6, and I use it before the relaxation techniques, because I have found that it makes them quicker to employ, and more effective. These will enable you to emotionally centre yourself, when practiced regularly. Yoga, and/or T’ai Chi may also help you become a calmer, more self controlled person, who is less influenced by the behaviour of others. Books: The Anger Workbook - a 13 step plan to help you. - Les Carter & Frank Minirth. - Minirth Meier Clinic Series. and Anger Management For Dummies. - W. Doyle. PhD. - Gentry. Try your library, local bookstore, or www.amazon.com for these.
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The most important thing to remember is this. They are not upsetting you on purpose. And you need to always remember that they are goin to learn how to deal with stress by watching how you deal with it. We as a society are conditioned to expect instant result. I know you are thinking "I don't expect them to be perfect instantaneously." This may be true, but you sure wish it don' you? But they are growing and learning and developing the same way you had to.