the reason i ask is can a female throw things punch a guy in the face breaking his jaw or arm i want to know how dangerious is a female temper is in real life?

Most women are stronger than men in general. Especially with adrenaline when it kicks in. A temper tantrum is a scarey thing, but just know that most women can punch and hit and kick just as hard and fast as men do. They are just conditioned to not let the guys know this. I can take my husband. I know I can. He does not think I can. I let him think that I can't! (One day he is going to be sorry! LOL!) Most women are like this. So, if she is MAD, stand clear and go buy her a present!

I find it hard with everyone to not say what I mean not want they want to hear and loose my temper easily.Luckily my friends joke about it but it gets me into trouble sometimes If I count to ten I feel myself getting more mad.Do some people have a short fuse anyway?

I used to have the same problem. Lately I've just stopped to think: What will my ranting accomplish? (Nothing.) How would I like to be on the receiving end of my own verbal attack? (I wouldn't.) Patience comes with maturity. If counting to ten doesn't help, just take a deep breath and find something else that does work.

my little girl is 18mnths old and has such a temper and is just pure meanat times. she has 2 older brothers 2 and 4 and she will walk up to them and push them or hit them, take toys away etc. for no reason at all. i have put in time out,on the naughty step and other things but nothing works…what can i do?

It's completely normal behaviour so don't panic. They do stop doing it eventually. It is purely to get attention. Toddlers don't associate the attention you give them with being naughty, they just like the reaction that they get. Say no firmly and take her away from the situation, then pay lots of attention to her brothers.
When she wants to play again just let her join back in and don't mention the incident. If she does it again just do the above.
It's a case of being patient and eventually the behaviour will become less frequent.

If one goes only by statistics, it would seem that childhood development disorders are experiencing an epidemic. However, these disorders have been with us always, they just weren’t known and diagnosed before. We do not know how many children who had the developmental disorders we know today were actually diagnosed as simply retarded or perhaps schizophrenic. The development disorders have a somewhat edgy reputation – not all of the are accepted by the pediatrics community at large, and there is a very good chance that some things we’re diagnosing now are actually several smaller disorders, symptoms of a different problem, or even not disorders at all but regular fluctuations in personality. One thing is clear: you won’t go very far in a pediatrics career without encountering one.

Autism: Now recognized as a spectrum disorder; it seems no two autistic patients have the same set of symptoms, but all of them share common symptoms. The markers of autism are lack of social interaction, poor or no verbal communication skills, and repetitive or preoccupied motions and behavior. Prior to 1990 it was estimated to affect 5 in 10,000 births, but it is now estimated to be as much as 1 in 1000.

The puzzling thing is, people today are being diagnosed as autistic when they can speak and socially interact freely, and show no impairments to functioning. These may actually be cases of misdiagnosis, either just odd personal behavior or a less disabling disorder such as Asperger’s or ADD. One has only to look at a typical child with severe autism, sitting and behaving as the classic “piece of furniture”, alone in their own world, and then consider the adult diagnosed with autism but who holds down a job, has a degree, and is the mother of two. Clearly, these two people do not have the same thing, and it would be ridiculous to treat them as if they did.

Unlike several other pervasive development disorders, there is no disputing that autism is a real, and highly handicapping syndrome. Severe cases of autism function at a mentally retarded capacity, need medications to temper some of their behavior, and will need some form of nursing care all their lives.

Asperger’s syndrome: The lesser cousin of autism. A big debate is going on with Asperger’s right now, where some say that Asperger’s is actually high-functioning non-severe autism and others saying Asperger’s isn’t a disease at all, but a normal variation of brain functioning. Not a disability, but a difference. It has also been speculated that Asperger’s may be an explanation of many of the people society calls “geeks”: Socially clumsy, not very emotional, but with highly skilled mental capacity, and technically adept at a narrow field. You almost never meet the Asperger’s patient who is without a well-paying profession such as scientist or engineer.

An interesting (but “out-there”) theory being tossed around by evolutionists is that Asperger’s may be evolution’s way of adapting the human mind to the increased pervasiveness of technology in our society. Asperger’s patients may be poor with human interaction, but they are great with computers. Is it really so unexpected that if we create computers and put them everywhere, nature will give us adapted humans who specialize in interacting with computers? It has also been proposed that the human race may eventually separate into two branches, much like Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons once did, with the race this time splitting off into the technically able and unable. While intriguing, this theory has been refuted in many circles.

Unlike autism, Asperger’s is so far not usually medicated and while the patient must make efforts to adapt to society and will have difficulty with social interactions, they have an easier time living in our world.

Attention Deficit Disorder
The most controversial of the development disorders, merely mentioning ADD in a crowd of pediatricians is enough to touch off a debate.

The symptoms as given for ADD are impulsiveness, forgetfulness, a chronic inability to concentrate or focus on one particular thing at a time, and being easily distracted. Many people can be described with these words at one time or another, but the word “disorder” is used when this behavior is chronic and characteristic of an individual, so much so that it impairs their ability to interact with other people or focus on the task at hand.

The problem with ADD is that there is widespread abuse of this diagnosis. Teachers use it as a label to subdue unruly pupils, parents who are too busy to see after their children’s development claim that their children have it, and doctors find it easier to write off a case as ADD when there may be something else entirely wrong. The symptoms are so open to interpretation and situations where these would be the normal human reaction (i.e. ‘boredom’) that it is difficult to pin down who has this disorder and who doesn’t. Overmedication is rampant.

Like Asperger’s, some ADD cases have been eventually tagged as normal personality characteristics. Even amongst those who have a full-blown case of ADD, there is little stopping them from having a happy and productive life and medication can be used to treat symptoms.

An alternative explanation
The Myers-Briggs personality test identifies characteristics of personalities which have a spooky resemblance to both ADD and Asperger’s symptoms. To refresh, the Myers-Briggs measures four axises of personality variation:

(E)xtraversion – (I)ntroversion,
(S)ensing – i(N)tuition,
(T)hinking – (F)eeling,
(J)udging – (P)erceiving.

ADD fits in well with ESFP, while Asperger’s fits with INTJ. An ADD person can be described as extroverted (very talkative and sociable), sensing (focused on the moment, hence distracted), feeling (emotional), and perceiving (spontaneous and flexible). An Asperger’s person can be described as introverted (withdrawn and unsociable), intuitive (focused on the past or future, hence concentrating), thinking (intellectual), and judging (organized and neat).

It is interesting to note that many Asperger’s and ADD patients mention these personality characteristics themselves! It may turn out that what we have is a misunderstood pair of diseases which are actually normal personalities, a pair of misunderstood personality which are actually diseases, or diseases and personalities which blend into each other.

Just some food for thought for those following the pediatrics career! It’s just a web article, after all; learn from your books and college.

Then again, don't democrats frequently vote that way?

Yes, but, keep in mind, may I remind you some fish are bottom feeders, so yes they eat poo

This type of anger is the type that has a blind fury and will unleash on everyone, even those close to you. The type of anger that keeps coming out and you're not able to keep it in cause its so strong. How do you overcome this?

Humans have two wolves.

Our attitudes, behavior and level of tolerance is directly related to the wolf we feed.

When we feed disappointment, anger, intolerance and self centerness, we feed the Bad Temper Wolf. It unleashes on anyone and anything nearest to you. That's human.

When we feed good attitude, tolerance and seeing other's perspective, we feed the Tolerant Wolf. It sees the opposite side of a situation and if necessary "accept" the proposed behavior with a "wait and see" attitude without getting angry or taking it the wrong way.

How does a person with a bad temper learn to shut up and stop living by their emotional rants? How does one calm themselves down and all?

Some of these people have mental disorders/ need medication for a chemical imbalance, or they can be dissociative. You practically need to remain calm and not react to their blow ups, pretty much like ignoring them, walking away from nasty, and say things like: There is no need to get upset, in a very soft voice, at the same time using your hands making a sign to tone it down like if you were pushing down a beach ball, or something or almost as though you were petting a dog or a cat. People calm down and realize they are making a big stink, it makes them realize they are acting like donkeys.

Many times people do need to deal with psychological issues and mental disorders, such as dissociative disorder or Dissociative identity disorders.

Other times, they simply need to stop making excuses for their unacceptable nasty behavior! Excuses are boring.
Hope it helped.

Excerpt
The following is an excerpt from the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk
by John Van Epp, Ph.D.
Published by McGraw-Hill; September 2006;$22.95US/$26.95CAN; 0-07-147265-7
Copyright © 2006 John Van Epp, Ph.D.

Idealization: See No Evil

Unhealthy emotional needs lead people to develop one of three relationship patterns that attempt to interpersonally resolve what can only be fixed intrapersonally. In other words, when you do not deal directly with your issues, they often become embedded in your relationships. At that point, you may no longer recognize them as your own issues, because they have become clouded by the dynamics of the relationship. You plunge forward to fix the relationship, all the while needing really to fix yourself. Regrettably, it does not work and your relationship continues to suffer. This will repeat until you identify your own problems and make the necessary changes within yourself.

The first pattern, idealization, occurs when you avoid feeling disappointment and pain by always looking through rose-colored glasses. A perfect example of this was a young woman, Ellie, who had grown up in a home where her mother died and her father subsequently remarried. During her adolescence, her father was tragically killed. His second wife favored her own children, leaving Ellie starved for love and attention. It was not surprising that Ellie soon met and married a man whom she had known only a short time. During their brief courtship, he lavished her with praise and adoration, calling himself Prince Charming.

No doubt you know this age-old story of Ellie (her good friends knew her as Cinder Ellie, although most refer to her as Cinderella). She idealized everything! It was her way of surviving the atrocities of her family life. The beloved Disney version began with Cinderella waking up to the singing of the bluebirds and joining in with her own song, “No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.”

I do not mean to tarnish the ending of this fairy tale, but seriously, don’t you wonder whether Ellie looked at her prince through the lenses of overidealism? She wore clothes made from bluebirds, rescued trapped mice and dressed them in cute clothing, and never seemed to complain, even when she had to work all day and night! Maybe she was so determined to live her dream that she overlooked certain warning signals in order to fulfill her idealistic wishes. Idealism always becomes dangerous when it blinds you to reality.

Her prince was a wealthy, royal only child who was looking for the perfect woman. Men with the prince’s profile usually turn out to be controlling, narcissistic, and emotionally abusive. They often have an extreme swing from infatuation to detachment as soon as some imperfection blemishes their ideal love. Ellie’s idealism ultimately was leading her into the exact same family dynamic she experienced within her family of origin.

Your unhealthy need for idealistic love can be broken only by your individual efforts to face your pain and those who afflicted you, and to deal directly with the loss of having never been shown the love you needed, wanted, and deserved. Many times such efforts require courage to feel the loss as well as to face those who hurt you. A better blend of reality with idealism and the caution to test the one you trust over time will help distinguish an illusion from a genuine dream.

Rebounds and Crash Landings

Are you too trusting, always seeing the good and jumping to positive conclusions too quickly? Do you get into a relationship and immediately become swept away by the furious waves of attention and love? Do you find yourself enamored with this prince or princess, spending every free moment with that person, constantly conversing by phone or computer, or just talking to him or her in your head? If so, then you need to step back and look at your track record. If you have a history of these dreamy love attacks that end up spiraling into nightmares, then you may be avoiding some of your past pain by projecting your ideals onto a prince or princess who is nothing more than an ordinary frog.

Tonya had just ended a five-year relationship when she had her Cinderella nightmare. It began when she was approached by Will in a local club that she frequented. Will worked there and had talked briefly with Tonya in the past, but he had never engaged in any in-depth conversation with her. That night, however, Tonya started to tell Will, who listened intently, the tale of her long and rocky relationship. After an hour or so, Tonya remarked how understanding and attentive Will was and what a contrast this experience was from what she was used to. They went out that night and continued to talk until sunrise.

This began a romantic whirlwind that, after just thirty days, led Will to ask Tonya to marry him. She responded with an enthusiastic yes, having come out of a relationship with a commitment-phobe, and they made plans to move in together and save money for the wedding. Tonya confided in me that although Will had a long history of failed relationships, he had never truly been in love and no woman had ever made him feel so good. When I asked how many skeletons were actually in his closet, she blushed and disclosed that he had been with more than a hundred women. I warned her about the ways history repeats itself, but she acted hurt that I was not happier for her.

The day he moved in with her was both his first and his last. He brought a chair that Tonya did not think fit the decor of her home. When she tried to talk with him about this, Will snapped that it was his chair. Tonya retorted that it was her home. At this point, Will realized that she thought of the house as hers and not theirs.

Nothing was unusual about this kind of an argument. In fact, you would expect it to occur under the circumstances. But as a result, Will lost all feelings for Tonya and decided to move out the same day he moved in. Tonya was crushed (although I thought she was really spared). She couldn’t understand how someone could feel so strongly in love one moment and then be so ice-cold the next.

Tonya encountered the unhealthy effects of idealization. How did this happen? It began when she was reeling from the rebound effect of her previous relationship and in her pain had concluded that no good men were out there, at least, none were available. You might think that this mentality would have made Tonya apprehensive about the sincerity of a man approaching her, but instead, it only ratcheted up her hopes for a perfect love. When Will treated her in ideal ways, she projected onto him all of her dreams of true love, and like a tightly wound spring, burst forward in her dependency and commitment to a man she really didn’t know.

Will also suffered from idealization. He had a chronic and long-standing narcissistic condition, much like his father did. As the youngest, though, he did not overtly display his father’s temper. Instead, he was a charmer. Narcissists do not appear self-centered at the beginning of a relationship. Will, for instance, craved ideal love, and his ego was inflated when Tonya looked at him as “the perfect lover who could meet her needs better than any other.” This made Will feel like a god in Tonya’s life during the first stages of their relationship.

Only after some time do narcissists reveal their extreme demands, a kind of “buy now, pay later” arrangement. Once one disappointment blemishes the relationship, the narcissist can never retrieve that fantasy feeling of true love. The benevolent god becomes depraved and angry, exacting obedient love while never feeling satisfied or fulfilled. This is why Will was so amazing in the beginning of a relationship but so quick to quit whenever something went wrong. Narcissism lacks resiliency; so when the first flaw appears, love begins to die.

Copyright © 2006 John Van Epp, Ph.D.

Author
John Van Epp, Ph.D., conducts seminars and workshops worldwide on marriage and relationships. His popular video program, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk, is being taught by certified instructors internationally in thousands of churches, singles organizations, educational and agency settings, and throughout the military. He has been happily married for more than twenty-five years. Visit his website at http://www.johnvanepp.com

no amount of reasoning,holding him or answering his requests stops his screaming

It is actually normal, maybe a little longer than normal, but normal nonetheless. Try leaving him alone and letting him scream himself tired.

I have a 5 year old and lately it seems like I'm angry and shouting at her all the time.
If she doesn't listen, or acts out, I lose my temper. What can I do to keep my cool?

Delfina, breathing excersises..
When you start to feel your blood pressure go up, count to 10…. breathe through the nose and out of the mouth. This serves 2 purposes… 1. It makes you concentrate on breathing and not what youre upset about and 2. It slows the heart rate down thus calming you down.